Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Own Made Hell

I swore the end was the end
never again would I allow myself to get caught up.
Never would I fall for those words;
that holds no real meaning to the teller of them!
For I have been beat and played my whole life,
giving into a mans wish in all that he wants.
While I am left to suffer all the grief
that he gave alone!

What is the point?
Why swallow all of who I am?
For nothing more than a child playing a mans game!
You see I have walked the roads given,
I believed in the shallowness of predators
that were born heartless.
Using all for their own benefits,
never caring of the pain that they leave behind
when their game is over.

I have left scars on my body,
swallowed pills in hopes that the end
would finally engulf me into the pits of hell!
I have done all that was expected,
followed the rules of a child who has never grown up.
Played hide and seek
only coming out when he begged such from me.
I fell for his stories of lonesome,
when he cried his tears upon my shoulders.
I always believed in him and excepted him in completeness
even when others will never open their eyes and take all for what it is.

You see I have finally made peace,
with his stupidity.
I know that he will always hide behind his mask,
knowing his truths will never be excepted.
I know his every thought
his every move.
He searches alone to complete what will never be,
for to her he is nothing more than
what she wishes him to be.
He will hide in his own closets of pain!
He will forever be the clown in "Cathy's clown"
no on ever really knowing who hides beneath,
other than me!

He will always be that fearful little BOY,
that finds glory in things like it is Christmas morning.
All knows the real story though,
the one that has been made to hide deep within,
to cover the truths that he is to scared to reveal.
I am finally living the dream that he for so long wished,
I am no child as he is
for I follow every step that my mouth had made.

I have found what a real man is!
One who always puts his family first,
never throwing away those another did not want.
I hear his words softly spoken within my ear,
I know now that I had always listened to others
that never really knew where even they stood in life.
For they had always feared their own reflections
in the mirror.

I feel what real love is,
within his arms that wishes to hold no other!
He finds no reason to scurry away in hiding,
looking for someone to carry out his inner dreams
that another will never allow!
I have finally found freedom,
I am excepted for all that I am!
I feel this carefree notion,
that I had dream-t of for so long!
Within the folds of his body I feel a heightened passion,
that can only be found in the arms of a real man!

He will have all that you wanted,
he will have all that you feared to succeed at.
He will feel what real love is,
shared with a woman who truly cares.
No matter what hides in the closet,
no matter what is dream-t about
through the nose of a bottle.
He will never have to wash away who he is,
with the poison that finds your body numb with pain.
All the THINGS in the world will never account
for all that you have had to throw away
and hide in your locked drawer.

One day you will wake up and see,
there is so much more to life than "things".
And when you do all will be lost,
and you will feel the pain you bestowed on others
so easily, and it will be to late!
For life has this way of coming back on others,
you are just sitting in the line thinking all is well.
When in the end you will be living in your own made hell.

No comments:

Post a Comment