Grenade

This time last year I could not determine
what life was really about and why the hell did I survive.
Like a grenade had been shoved down my throat
I kept walking as my flesh melted all that I was.
The scorch burned so deeply
the pain was almost unbearable
I was made to pick myself back up off of the ground
not sure where I would walk next
but understanding I had been here before.

I let my words drive me insane,
sometimes it seemed!
I allowed the negativity of my mind
to control what had always hid deeply within.
I had shown my weakness
like a decease eating away at the core
of the strength that I knew I had
but could never use
for my heart got in the way
of everything

In my own made hell
I burned away my pain,
with the words that were never hard to find
when it came to my past
and everything that I have overcome
along the way.
I cried and threw tantrums
cussed those who I blamed for putting me where I was.
Never admitting that my feet
helped me walk the road that always led to an dead end.
Never understanding that my past
could only be fought by the one who endured
more than what should have been given
but yet not as much as what could be taken.

For I am a fighter
some battles I have realized starts within,
and some battles were never worth the sacrifices given.
Sometimes when you lose
you win so much more.
Self reliance
Self love
Self respect
Self understanding
when nothing can really be understood
I have dodged bullets
that were never meant to hit surface
and I have healed wounds
that stung the deepest
leaving scars that will always be seen
by the one it was given to.

Through all of this I have learned lessons well
I am only human
and even I deserve to dwell
as long as I know when to let skeletons lay silent
coming out of the closet only when I need to be reminded
that I can win the battles that life gives so frequently.
For not only am I a fighter
but I am a survivor!

I can take what is given
I can feel the burn of the grenade
as it scorches me deep within
and when the smoke has cleared
and the fire has succumbed
I will walk away,
stronger than I ever was!