I took a walk searching for my inner piece,
the further I walked the more that I realized
only the dark waited for me. I stomped my
feet "oh yea this will help" taking my
anger out on a dirt floor! I am always trying
to spread myself thin, make everyone else
happy as I am left searching.
Suppressing my own thoughts and feelings,
so worried about everyone else. I look into
the mirror to see an older version of the girl
who has always stood so silently still. It really
is no ones fault but my own, I allow myself to
be taken for granted and forgotten over time.
Shuffling everyday life, I watch time pass me
by more quickly than it should.
I feel my body start to burn as my thoughts
run away in ever direction. My emotions are
competing against each other. Do I speak the
words that are bothering my heart? Or do I
once again lay silent as I withdraw from the
world and myself ? For some it may be an
easy answer, for me it is just another worry
that only I will have to deal with.
Here I go again, I allowed my feelings to
fester up until I could feel nothing more
than pain. I finally speak my mind but by
then it never comes out the way that it
should. I get so tired of writing my thoughts
in my head, like I have a keyboard and screen
built in. I want to speak my voice without
it being turned around and then avoided, I
want to have that trust in someone without
my words spoiling it.
Until then I guess I will do what I do best,
write down my feelings in search of my
inner peace and self.