Insecurities

I Want to speak from my heart,
but there is something holding me back.
I can give you a million reasons why I shouldn't
but there is only one that I know for a fact.
What I say will never be important
and it will never even matter anyway,
when half the story is heard through deaf ears
and the other is walked away from.

I already see the response as it
plays havoc on my mind,
first I will get the third degree
and then I will be left heartbroken.
It is the same old story
the only thing that has changed is the day.
Where everything moves forward
but broken promises and pain.

I could be a statue
standing firm in my silence,
I could be the man on the moon
for all that you know about me.
You think that I am strong
when really it is my weakness that carries me.
I am searching for something
that even I can only half way believe.

You almost thought that I was perfect,
but you really did not see,
all of the cover-ups that were put in place
to hide my insecurities.
I have these walls,
do you see them?
They are completely surrounding me,
every stone and brick I have earned righteously.

Here I am safe
but yet only living half of a life.
Here I can be what you need,
but yet never completely me.
I want to speak from my heart,
but there is something holding me back!
There are a million reasons why I should,
but only one that really matters.
Sometimes I just need to be heard,
instead of sitting in this perfect stature.
Sometimes I just want to lay to rest
all of these insecurities
that leaves my heart forever fractured.