The Voice of a Manic

Next week we will be putting together my 5th poetry book. There will be a lot in the book that you will not be able to find on the net. This book will have a little of everything in it, all walks of life in every way. Love, dark, bitterness, lovemaking etc etc. This will not be a book that will be suitable for children. Keep an eye out, it should be done by the end of the month.  

Soul mates are not always meant to be together, sometimes they are only meant to be friends.

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Insecurities

I Want to speak from my heart,
but there is something holding me back.
I can give you a million reasons why I shouldn't
but there is only one that I know for a fact.
What I say will never be important
and it will never even matter anyway,
when half the story is heard through deaf ears
and the other is walked away from.

I already see the response as it
plays havoc on my mind,
first I will get the third degree
and then I will be left heartbroken.
It is the same old story
the only thing that has changed is the day.
Where everything moves forward
but broken promises and pain.

I could be a statue
standing firm in my silence,
I could be the man on the moon
for all that you know about me.
You think that I am strong
when really it is my weakness that carries me.
I am searching for something
that even I can only half way believe.

You almost thought that I was perfect,
but you really did not see,
all of the cover-ups that were put in place
to hide my insecurities.
I have these walls,
do you see them?
They are completely surrounding me,
every stone and brick I have earned righteously.

Here I am safe
but yet only living half of a life.
Here I can be what you need,
but yet never completely me.
I want to speak from my heart,
but there is something holding me back!
There are a million reasons why I should,
but only one that really matters.
Sometimes I just need to be heard,
instead of sitting in this perfect stature.
Sometimes I just want to lay to rest
all of these insecurities
that leaves my heart forever fractured.

White Stallion

There are no winners in a losing battle
right and wrong will never feel the heartaches
that is held in the balance of raveled feelings.
There are no victories or raised high glasses
when one side feels the pain
that the other never tried to understand.

I felt the loss
the hurt the unguarded heart let in
all of the meaningful things slip away,
never as important as in the beginning.
The untouched hand
the unspoken words
all of the things that made it real,
left all to soon.

Festering questions boggling the mind,
holding them in I could feel the sting of the blade
ripping away at my heart more everyday.
Teardrops of black ink writing a thousand words,
catastrophe of thoughts,
never allowed to finish the story.

My fault, I know
I should have been stronger and held my feelings in
acted as if everything was alright
when nothing was the same.
I should have rebuilt those walls
that kept everyone at a safe distance.
Only allowing them little pieces of me,
as I held on to what was most important, my soul.

I should have grasp my feelings,
held them in until alone in the dark.
Cry away the hurt, as I learned long ago.
Never speak the words of torment,
never allow another to see the tears of pain.
Wake in the morning and cover reddened cheeks
with make up and a placed smile.

Only the strong wins
in a world that was never meant for the weak hearted.
I will place my great white stallion at the door
with his guard and sword.
Defense strategies are in place,
a broken heart I will never again face.
Streaked cheeks will only be seen by the nights angels,
who suffer their own broken wings of defeat.

The only emotion that can bring you to your lowest or highest is that of love! Sometimes it takes a showdown to enjoy the making up,,,

Faded away

It must be autumn
but yet there are no colors
brightly showing through the hill crest.
It must be autumn,
because everything has faded away in a rush!

I can feel the the bite of coldness
running down my veins.
It must be winter, why is everything so green?
It has to be winter
because I feel a drop frozen to my cheek.
I am almost positive that it is winter,
why is the thermometer telling me it is eighty two degrees.
I feel the cold when I should feel the heat,
everything is fading away in vain and defeat.

It must just be me
I don't see anything but reality
A rush for meaning, where all was to be still.
It must just be me
but everything seems to be fading away,
right before my eyes everything has faded away.

It must be night,
everything is covered with a mask of black,
it must be night for nothing is as clear as it once was.
It must be night,
I can see the nightmares vividly
as they walk every step with me.
It must be night,
I can no longer see the sun
all has faded away and it is just noon.