Thursday, February 28, 2013

When you pull away from someone it is not always because you have an issue against them etc. Sometimes you do this because you cannot handle watching them being hurt. You listen to them when they cry, panic, and even put themselves down to excuse another's actions. You allow them to vent their frustrations hoping that they hear what they say, but sometimes they do not and in the end it will be the one vented to that will have to take the fall to make the other feel better. You want to help your friend but you know they only want the help for that moment and then they run back to who they were so upset with from the beginning and there is nothing you can do but wait for it to happen again and again and listen when needed. You have a confusion in should you keep listening or change the subject and try to help them in another way, you really can do nothing right and just do what you think is best for all around. What is very low though is to lie to others just because you for some unknown reason are mad. You tell things that if you ever really knew a person or tried to know them you would know is wrong. You forget the friendship you had for someone who you profess refuses to even meet you, you forget a friendship when you yourself have said you are not allowed to call said person but other woman are allowed to talk to and call whenever they want. When you let people go for someone who even you say must not love you the way you love them, you cannot and should not get mad when your friend finally cannot take your professed pain any longer! A very special person has done all of this and even deleted friends she had for a very long time because the guy who is there sometimes and not others "her words not mine" says so. Even worse is when you cry and feel depression because in your words he is now inboxing another woman and this woman made it clear to you "in your words" that she has been inboxing him and then he cusses YOU and ignores YOU and then once again disappears leaving you high and dry like many times before until he is ready to once again be what you need and or want. This friend deserves so much more, deserves to be number one to her guy just as he is her number one. She should never ever have to cry on the phone because he "in her words" has made her feel like nothing more than a piece of shit. She should never look down on herself and make excuses for him when he treats her so. She has a reason to fret, she has been hurt more times than she should have been, and to now look at herself in a different way over the words of the person who should show her he is different and does love her is nothing less than wrong and hateful. Now this person has said things and I know she has that are lies and that is okay because I understand how much she wants that love that is sometimes given to her. I know she wants the ever after that she is scared of never finding so I drop it and only hope that all the promises go the way she deserves and has been told. I only wish the best for her and hope she is not once again being played by someone she has staked her heart on. Why am I hurt and not pissed? because I understand and I know and deep down so does she that I have never done anything toward her wrong, I had to step back because I could no longer see someone whom I love so dearly be hurt anymore. And if it makes everything better to lie then so be it. Sometimes you have to remember the person that once was, the laughter and jokes that were told before life got in the way of living! You know who you are and you know this is all true and it can be denied from here to the end of time and that just happens to be okay also. But it is not okay to hurt another person because deep down you hurt under a mask of your own hidden pain. When you find your own self worth you will find true happiness "so I have heard but not sure I believe", sometimes I think people are just trying to trick a bitch! Love you always x 

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