Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Steps back

Let me take a step back
maybe I will figure this out
maybe this battered soul will find redemption
or at least see things more clearer.

No one is perfect
no one is at fault for all of their downfalls
some though use life as
an excuse to not  live at all.

What have we come to?
When will we stand up and defend ourselves
without fearing the invisible images
that are only in our minds and point of views.

My mind is blank
there is nothing left to dream of
nothing seems to fall into place
so why dream about useless things?

Let me take a step back
maybe I will figure this out
or maybe I will just walk away
giving up all that I am or could ever have.

Pieces of me

Bits and pieces of me embarks on life
willing and free to travel
willing to give myself the freedom
of no worries or boundaries

Bits and pieces of me holds back
never trusting
never allowing
never wanting
anyone close enough to meet the real me
who hides beneath a cloak of self loathing

Bits and pieces of me wants to run wild
go on a trip
where no one is waiting at home
take a drink
and keep on going
not a care in the world
as I release my inner demons

Bits and pieces of me wants to stay hidden
where no one can trespass
not even utter my name
keep myself tucked away
in my room of sanction.

Bits and pieces of me wants to yell
scream out all of my anger
to anyone who will listen.
I want to test time
I want to see who is there
and who will stay.
In my manic state of mind
waiting for the girl
that they know and want
in their everyday lives.

Bits and pieces of me is scared
of saying the wrong thing
or never doing enough.
Maybe I don't say as much as I should
when my feelings are suppressed

Bits and pieces of me fears nothing
for I have lived it all
what has not been lived has been seen
through the eyes of another's imperfect reality.

Bits and pieces of me will never be written
for I am still learning the mind that I have been given
some good, some bad
in the end there are pieces of me
left untouched
left unbearably insane
left for someone to figure out
on another day.


I am so lost,
I try so hard but yet nothing is ever accomplished.
So much has been put on top of my shoulders
the weight has become more than I can bare.
My heart aches for something positive
and my mind screams for everyone to leave me in peace.

No one really understands me,
no one really knows who I am.
I give in when I should press forward.
I fear that no one will ever see me clearly.

Everyone looks at me like I have all of the answers,
unaware that I have no more to spare.
I have allowed people to look at me as a joke
never caring about the pain that they cause me in their boredom.
I let them walk over me like I am made of brick,
in truth I am more fragile than I may appear.

I cry alone because if I speak of my tormented mind
I know they will not understand the words that are spoken.
I have become use to the loneliness
because it surrounds me everyday.
Disorder finds my home crazy with appeals
this one wants this and that one thinks they are never seen.

How can one person be the only person?
How can one person make the world right,
when so much is going wrong?
My emotions bare fruit that can never be eaten,
it sours on my own tongue like a day old lemon.

My eyes water as I try to hold back
this uncontrollable desire to cry.
I know once it starts it will never stop,
I know that the words playing in my head
will only drive this confusion farther.

In my moment of weakness
I shatter into a million pieces.
I hold on to a little bit of faith
knowing that it will soon pass as it always does.
For now though I am left uneasy
shaken to the core of my being.
Just another day
then maybe life will once again be worth the pain.

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Love life to the fullest

I am not sure which one of us is the craziest! Great party with great friends! Everyone has struggles but it is what we do to defeat them that matters. Love you sexy  

Whispering Ghost

Despite the happiness that I try to live
my mind cannot find ease.
I am lost in this darkness
listening to a whispering ghost
taunting me to follow him.
I am entranced with his eagerness
I am undaunted by the control he has over me.

I follow him step by step
as he walks me down a hall of pain.
I see the world as he does,
visions of war with no gain.
The words of hate scrambling together,
loud enough to deafen everyone who pays attention.

I search his eyes looking for meaning
to the thoughts that he shares with me in confusion.
He is merely no more than a whisper against the wind
searching for the answers
that he never understood in the flesh.

I am lost in his weakness
portraying a strength that I do not bare.
I am lost in my own conflict of thoughts
trying to understand him
when I do not even understand myself.

My feet start walking from where I came,
the visions on the walls scream their unjustified pain.
A world where there is no peace
a time of conflict that only some will endure.
A blind eye to all of the trauma
that we ignore with falsified blame.

I stand where I began
nothing has been accomplished in fear.
I can still hear the echo of the wall!
The torment that I tried to escape
has been embedded in my mind.
I hear the lesson
that the whispering ghost wanted to teach me.
I am lost in a world that does not see its fault.
Forever lost in the dark!


I am not broken,
but I am cracked along the edges.
Like a fracture that never heals,
I feel a glimmer of pain that holds me still.
I am not lost in the dark,
but my reality has dimmed to an unstable flicker.
Only my shadow on the wall reminds me
that it is still daylight outside.

I am not broken,
but I feel like I am shattered.
I am not done,
but I have come close more than I'd like to admit.
I am not down for the count,
but I feel myself falling into hopelessness.

I am not broken,
but I hold pieces of me in bloodied hands.
I am not doomed,
but I have meant the gate keeper in my dreams.
I am not blind,
but I can only see with a blur of restlessness.

I am not broken,
but I am not whole!
I am not deaf,
but I think I have missed a lesson in life.
I am not mute,
But sometimes I am left in silence.

I am not broken, not just yet.
I have a will, to achieve the un-achievable.
I may be shattered,
but the pieces lie in my hands steadily.
I have meant the gate keeper a time or two,
But he has never had the strength to keep me.

I am not broken, not just yet!
I may have missed a lesson,
but life will teach me along the way.
I may be silent,
but my words will never be mute.
I am not broken, no, not just yet!

I am not broken!
I never give up!
I have a strength, stronger than my weakness!
The broken may fall,
but they never hit bottom for long.