Reflections of today's world

My country has left me confused with anger and loathing that my reflection is not someone that I recognize any longer. With every passing day I reflect on new events and wonder how we came to the spot that we are in now. What road did we take that gave us permission to hate and spread misinformation that could harm others? When will it stop? When will we remember who we are and that all of us came from somewhere else? We had a beginning; our ancestors came from somewhere else unless we are indigenous "Native Americans"! 

I faulter in my steps and forget that hate is not the way! I want to hate those that are full of hate, yet that is not the way because two wrongs do not make a right. We cannot allow ourselves to become those that we feel contempt for. So, what do we feel for those who have lost their way and allowed hate to take over their hearts? What do we feel for those that we love or care about when we know what lies in their hearts and minds? The confusion has me at a standstill when I reflect on my thoughts that are at times overpowered by dread and distain. 

So, what is the answer? Are you lost in a world of confusion? Can we get back on track or are we the next country that will fall as others think they are helping us rise? Truth of what lies within can be hard to except but it is needed to be who we were meant to be. We need to look at our reflection from within, not the mirror on the wall. 

Growing pains

 Let’s admit that motherhood is hard, throw in three girls and it is chaos. Girls love all the things, the dresses, makeup, stealing moms brushes even. Never ever did I think it could get more chaotic than a gender reveal that was suppose to be small but now is going to be a full out cookout/two family get together. I think it will be great but I am worn out and ready to escape back to my happy place. We have been four times so far this year but I am ready to go and stay, luckily so is my hunni. What does that mean as a mother though? With two grand babies on the way! I feel like I will lose out on seeing them like I want to but I also feel like as parents we are allowed to finally remember that we are human and life cannot stop at children and their children. What do we know about life? Well it does not last forever, we are like seeds of a flower in a lot of ways. We are planted into our mothers and grow, once we are born we then grow more until we blossom. A flower however does not last, it weakens and starts to become frail as it ages. One day it just dies! 

As parents we need to remember that our children are those young and vibrant flowers that have a full life in front of them and we are now growing weaker in a way. Before we become frail we need to learn how to remember who we were before we became parents. 

We can do all the things, be there when our children need us. We cannot always be there when they just want us there. We gave our children life and we can only hope that they treat it as it is, fragile! It is time for them to find their path, their dreams and to accomplish great things on their own feet. Easier said than done of course but we can hope and dream. 

Should we however forget our dreams and hopes in all of the wonderful and hard times that we have shared with our children? I don’t think that we should and at the end of the day I believe that our children want to see us go forward with our lives. They may be scared to admit it because as parents we have always been there to help and fix the trials of youth that they are now following into as adults. Practice makes perfect we have always heard, that also falls in the lines of growing up. 

With all of this said, what as parents do we do? Do we try and hold on to a life that was rearing our children or do we act as if we are twenty again and hit the pavement moving into a world that we do not even know? We are no longer the people that we were before raising children! We are no longer parents of young children that need to be watched over, at least not to their knowledge! Now we are a set of lost adults with no idea what comes next. In a way we are a lot like our children, as they learn how to be thriving adults and parents, we need to learn how to cope with our empty nest. 

Empty nester

Lets not live in a life of unsures, we have so much to live for. We make all of these plans knowing that we do not even know where we will be tomorrow. We may not even be here on earth,who knows.I have always used this blog for my poetry,don't get me wrong I still write but not as often.I found a life that sometimes leads me down a path of writing,but in private.I found a life that is so full of the everyday hustle that the time that I had to write was put aside to love and enjoy everyone around me. Is life perfect?yea right! Is it better than it has ever been? oh yea! 

I am coming to a crossroad though that seems to have come at a pace that I was not prepared for. The road of becoming an empty nester. One more year and my last baby will be out of school. A few months and she will be 18! How is that possible? I joke around and say that her room will be my craft room, in reality it will just feel empty. When we become parents we are not prepared for them to leave, I have had two daughters leave already and become women. Nothing though prepares you for the last child to move on and become a fixture in their own home. Nothing prepares you! Now I need to learn how to live for me, live for my hunni, live in a world of not raising children. 

With this though I will be on a new journey that I may carelessly stumble on for awhile. I can say that I am going to be a first time grandma in December and then a second time grandma in February. Both of my eldest daughters have decided that they are ready to start their own journeys of parenthood at the same time. Maybe this will be enough to keep me occupied within a mind that is doubtful and unprepared for tomorrow. 

If you have read this far leave a comment on how you dealt with preparing for your empty nest. What kept you going? How did you look at your child without wanting to cry? We went school clothes shopping today and all that i could think about was the fact that this was the last year that i would take my child to get clothes for school. That was depressing and may have ruined her trip to the mall. I hope one day I can sit back and enjoy the fact that my girls are grown and was raised with hearts that finds love for everyone.

So I guess this means that this blog will have a facelift, writing down my feelings of growing and finding myself once again. Finding the woman that disappeared as a girl, to raise three girls that are now women.