Friday, May 31, 2013

A peek into "Five Year Old Death"

The death of my father had everyone’s world spinning out of control. We all had our own pain to deal with. I was no better than John, I did call regularly to speak to my foster parents but I had also stopped going to visit them like I had done when I was younger. I worried a lot about my mom and was relieved when she went to my sisters to spend the night because the new baby can always put a smile on her face. John and I had brought up the subject a few times wondering if my foster dad knew that he was sick but did not want us to know. He was always so worried about the family that it would be something he done to protect us. We planned a night to be together and talked about family and how little time we had here on earth. He talked about his regrets again about his parents and children and he wished that he had the bond with them like he did in their younger years. He seemed so lost to me! We sat outside and watched the stars form into their many different forms for what seemed like forever before we even thought of falling into each other’s arms. 

I think other than the time we were in the wooden chair that was the most exciting and special night I had ever had with him. We made love and then took a long shower together laughing like a bunch of school children. We talked for a couple hours after our shower together and then went to sleep in each other’s arms. That was the best sleep that I had in a very long time. The next morning was so hard for me, going home away from him had always been hard but not this hard. I cried for the longest time and kicked myself in the ass for even going to his house. I hated myself for letting him control my life like this. But I loved him also with everything I had in me, when it would come to him I had learned to just deal with the pain that I kept bringing onto myself. I cried for a week over him but there was going to be a big turning point in my life after that night together. Finally I was going to find my happiness whether it was with or without him!

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