Sunday, May 5, 2013

Hidden away

There are these words that cross my mind so much but when I try to write them down they are gone just as fast as they come to me. It sometimes bothers me because my best thoughts are the ones never written. I laugh and tell my girls I need a recorder implanted in my brain. I try with everything I have to remember what it was I had just thought of but no matter what when I write what the thought was about it never really sounds right so I just go on my way. I sit alone and ask myself why is it I dream these dreams, needs and wants but can never describe them as powerfully as I feel them. Like a single star that shines brighter than the moon ever has or the way I feel so complete when I sit by a stream or hear the ocean waves hit the shorelines. I feel so alone, but yet I feel more when I am in my own little world writing of my deepest emotions. It is so strange, wanting that person to snuggle up to but yet not wanting anyone at all. Why am I like that? Is it because I know deep down inside that there is only one person who can make my legs shake and heart race like I have just ran a marathon? Or is it because I am scared that just maybe I will fall like that again but this time ten times as hard. It is merely the fear of having what I want I suppose. A kiss in the morning to say good morning or that text that says I love you just because. The sad thing is I have that right now, well I could have that right now. I have someone who sends the most romantic songs to me in the morning and instead of replying with a awe thank you etc etc or I love you too I act like I did not get it. No I am not a cruel person or unfeeling at all, more so I feel to much. It is all and all the fear of what can happen instead of what could be. So I write about love, loss and all of the other feelings I am feeling and within my words I find myself un-hidden within the hidden! Within my own mind the un-hidden reflections of my heart shall always stand still, until I find the courage to give myself one more last chance to give my all to someone else. Life is about taking chances and being who you are deep down inside "I so dramatically tell everyone else" maybe now is the time to do as I preach, or forever hold my peace. xxx

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