Wednesday, June 5, 2013

A peak into "SINFULLY BECOMING"

Prologue


       What an extraordinary life I lead, two beautiful children and a husband who treats me like his queen. Ted and I have been married close to fifteen years now and even though it started out rocky we surpassed the trials of misfortune and have lived out our lives how I had always dreamed a marriage would be. Of course I was no different than any other little girl growing up and I planned on a prince taking me away from all of my worries and we would live happily ever after. My prince is the love of my life and even though he did not ride a stallion to my door step he did steal my heart with hello. My fairy tale started when we first laid eyes on each other at the age of seventeen and my eyes have never strayed away since.

  My own parents divorced when I was a young child and I promised myself that when I married I would hold on and make my own children’s lives better than mine and they would have two parents to raise them. I am blessed that my marriage has turned out as wonderful as it has and would not trade one minute for another life than what I am living right now. Ted and I shared the same dreams of opening our own restaurant one day selling fancy entrées with all of the trimmings but in the end we ended up with down home cooked meals that everyone could enjoy. It was the best decision we have ever made next to having our great children and I may be bias but of course any loving mother thinks their children are the best children in the world and I am no different.

  My son loves to fish and play any kind of ball you can think of and is in all the sports at his school. He is a thriving fifteen year old with the biggest blue eyes you could ever imagine and his father’s blond hair reaching his neck line. I tried for a long time to make him get a haircut but boys will be boys and his hair was not to be touched, in his words more so by my hands. We named him after his father and hope that when he has his own son he will pass the name down but he has a mind of his own and we have realized he will never do it but we can always wish for it no matter how much time are prayers are wasted ones. We named our daughter Raven because it is as unusual as my own name, my father named me Sparrow after his grandmother and I have always hated it even though I hear the same old story about how beautiful it is. Raven is a loner but can easily make friends when she wants to which is not often. She is a mommy’s look alike with her coal black curls reaching the middle of her back and eyes the color of the ocean’s floor. Sometimes I think if you really tried to you could see her soul through them as clear as you can see her heart through her smile that she was always sharing with the people the closest to her. I use to think Raven would come out of her shyness but now that she is eleven I have grown use to the fact that she will always just be a good hearted loner. My children are my life and their happiness and Teds is all that I even thrive for. We have the perfect family, I have the perfect life!

  Tonight was going to be a special night, sixteen years ago today we married and tonight we are going to go out and let loose for the first time in years. Tonight has been planned months ahead of time and my stomach was doing flip flops even after sixteen years, alone time is a big part of any relationship and of course with children and a business that is something we do not get much of at all anymore so I feel like a child on Christmas day. Dinner at seven then a late night movie followed by a night alone in one of the best hotels in our area! Tonight is going to be one that I will not forget about for years to come I am sure of that. I bought a slimming black dress with a split up to my thigh and had my hair and nails done to perfection, I feel like a queen today and I am excited to meet Ted for dinner to surprise him with my new look! Well my new look for tonight that is and tomorrow I will go on as always being the perfect mother and wife, life is great! One hour left and then the perfect night begins and it is slowly dragging by. I could not stop watching the clock tick tock tick tock ever so slowly.



One


    It is so dark and my head is killing me today and the worst part is I cannot seem to open my eyes or even move from the bed that I am lying in. One would think that a hotel bed would feel a lot better than this and in this case I am inclined to believe that money cannot buy anything. I giggle to myself with my aching head and try to roll over to Ted “but cannot” maybe I drank more than I should have and for someone who is not use to drinking or indulging in liquor I am now getting payment for being so immature. I think I will just lie here for a little bit longer and try to get my strength back before I try to get up again. I feel so dizzy but not in a hangover way. I feel like I am hollow and something is not right but I am just being silly and am thinking to myself how in the world will I make it through my day feeling like this. I am still dreading the day ahead of me as I drift back into a restless sleep, even my muscles hurt this morning and sleep right now sounds good. 

  What seemed like forever passed before I woke again! My body ached and I felt empty inside like someone had cut out my heart with the blade of their knife. I was aware of new surroundings and a chill in the air that made my body shiver searching for covers that I could not reach. My arms felt stiff as I tried to find the warmth I was searching for, almost so heavily that they tried to refuse movement at my beckoning. I finally opened my eyes enough to look around the room in which I felt imprisoned in and noticed this was not the hotels room or even my room safely tucked away at home. I was in a hospital bed with tubes coming out of my body and an oxygen mask held tight to my face. My body felt numb and broken! I wondered if my family and I had been in a car wreck and started screaming inside of my head. I tried to yell for a nurse but my voice could not be heard by anyone but myself. 

  I lay in the bed for a long time wondering if my family was okay and why were they not here with me. Were my children okay and safely at home where they belonged? Were they in a bed just like this one? Was my husband okay? So many things were running through my thoughts and no answers yet to be spoken. A nurse finally walked in the room and when she seen my eyes opened she ran out of the room calling for help. Doctors and more nurses came running in the room like they were ready to see nothing short than a miracle in progress. The doctor started checking my vitals and shaking his head in amazement asking me if I knew how very lucky I was to be alive. Of course I did not know how lucky I was because I was yet to know what had happened to land me in this bed.

  The doctor gave me something for the pain that I could not feel but he was convinced I needed it. He informed me that he needed to make a call and I finally felt some kind of peace knowing he was going to contact my family. An hour passed before I heard movement again outside of my room, to my surprise it was not my family walking through the door. Two men in uniform were now next to my bed and I saw a pity in their eyes that told me they had grim news to tell me. Bracing myself for their news was hard but how bad could it be? Their news spun me off guard and it was the beginning of a life worth not living. My whole family slaughtered in a robbery not an hour after leaving our home for what was supposed to be a celebration of a loving marriage that had much more happiness to find. I wanted to die and give up on life within the fraction of that moment. I wondered why they even tried to save me because I did not any longer want to save myself. 

   After another three weeks in the hospital I was released to go home. I had a hard time even calling it home now and wished there was somewhere else that I could go to that would not make me relive the life that is now never to be lived again. It was now time to face my new reality!

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