This book is dedicated to my three daughters who have put up with a whole lot of schooling and writing the past three years. I love them more than all the words in the world could ever express. It is also dedicated to my three best friends that I have the pleasure of knowing Face to face, Mary Byassee Jones, Myla Bush and Dakota Miller. They have been here for me through a whole lot and I am thankful to call them my friends. It is also dedicated to my foster parents who did not have to be parents to me if they had chosen not to be. As always no matter what this book is also dedicated to Earnest Beckelheimer for making me see the person that I could become instead of living as the person who could never go anywhere. You will always be in my heart no matter how many miles separate us; the stars really did lead me to you even if it was only to learn important life lessons. I would also like to dedicate this book to my far away friends that I may never meet face to face but that have always been here for me when I needed someone to talk to. They are as important to me as my face to face friends, Selina Ahnert, Luna Phoenix, Bob Dunbar and Henry Arce. More importantly this book is dedicated to a life not understood but worth living. Without the bad and good of life there would have never been a book to write, lessons to be learned, love and my beautiful three girls.
I have one more dedication but there is a short story behind it so I left him last. I not only love to write and read other writers work but I love artwork of all kinds. Well one day I was strolling along looking at artwork online and I come across a profile of someone who wrote and showed off artist, so of course I requested him because that was the better of two worlds. I became a stalker of his profile and meant some really great artist! I finally had the privilege of going onto his blog and reading what has to be the most beautiful writings I have ever read in my life and to think a man was behind such beauty was even more shocking. I was like a little stalker now and could not wait to read what else he put out, I am still mad he deleted his blog “bad boy bad boy”. I even wrote a short poem about him a couple years ago “lol” something about his writing really touched me like no other writers have.
“I am mesmerized by the melody I hear, the words that I read so beautifully ringing in my ears, lingering in my heart. I am spellbound by the image I see, a dark man with beautiful raised angel wings. Mesmerized by everything said to me, why do the tears shed from me? Thoughts running through my mind, so sure his eyes are dark as the night’s sky! Heart pounds to see his name, what is it that makes me want to see his face. I can imagine it is bronzed by the sun, a hue that glistens when shined upon. Words that are used from his sweet mind coming from his heart, I am sure another could never be so sweetly defined. What is it that keeps drawing me to this beautiful place, looking upon his wings I long to see his face.”
Now this man could be eighty years old for all that I know but that is what makes him so intriguing! Anyway to the part of why he is the reason I wrote this book and finally faced all of my demons. One night I was very depressed and aggravated with my life and for the most part I was probably feeling sorry for myself. I cannot remember what made me and this guy start talking unless it was a poem or something but we did. I was telling him of the night before and how bright it was outside but yet I could not find the moon and how beautiful I thought that was. He had earlier in the day called me an “evil pop tart: in a joking way on a status and I had found that funny but I wanted to know why I was an evil pop tart. He proceeded to tell me I was an evil pop tart but also a perky pants depending on the day or time. He said that it was like two people were inside of me fighting to control the other one. I was sometimes outgoing and then other times I was dark and depressed, he of course is one of the very few people who knew I had the alter ego “Sinfully Alive” so he knew what he was talking about. I realized that the people closest to me seen that but not a stranger who I only knew online so I was shocked. He told me that I wanted to be perky pants and that was the person he knew deep down that I wanted to be but evil pop tart was always there. He said I needed to be one or the other and let the other go. Then he said something very confusing to me and lord knows it does not take much to confuse me. He said I needed to die in order to live, how crazy is that. I asked him to explain but of course he told me that I would have to figure that out for myself. I went to bed that night very drunk and wondering about the meaning to his statement. I woke up in the middle of the night and repeated what he had said to me “In order to live you must die”! I do not know if I took it the way that he meant but I took it as I needed to stop living in my past and live for my future. The only way that I could do that was by doing what I do best “write”. I had wrote a poem about a year before named “Five Year Old Death” and for some reason as soon as I thought about writing this book that poem hit me in the face so that is what I decided to name the book. So thank you for your guidance and cleverness in your words that night Garapan. I will probably never see your face but I have seen your heart and beauty!
Other books by Bathsheba Dailey are, Hearts and souls poetry book, The unhidden reflections of the heart, Soulful writes, Soulful writes part two. You can find all of her poetry books on amazon. Soon to come books are “Scadoxus Multiflorus”, a book of poetry featuring her alter ego “SinfullyAlive” and “Sinfully Becoming” a novel that is also featuring her alter ego “Sinfully Alive”. She also has another poetry book of her written work and two romance novels in the works for later upcoming dates.
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