Friday, August 16, 2013

Clenched teeth

I have played the devils game
as I sat in the pits of hell with him
standing on my own ground
he found me in waiting

I have felt the fracturing of my soul
as it cracked by just one word of his beckoning
and I have tasted my own blood
between my clenched teeth
holding in all of my emotions
I search for self inflicted pain

I have felt his fangs
as they have cut deep within my heart
I bid him away
but yet I search for the dark to play
where all is cold
in a numbing pleasure
an illusion you could say
of things left undone
in confusion

I have walked
where others dare not tread
for weakness has been my fault
in the color of red
heart pounding for the humanity of life
leads a gateway for pain to be shed

I have begged for such releases
of wanting for others
what they would never wish for me
Swallowing their pain
like a pill of poison
that has only consumed me
as they walk away

I have held in
with clenched fist the truths
that no longer wish to be hid
I have lingered in my own playground
riding the coasters of ups and downs
driving myself deeper into hell
what I wish to be set free

And I have battled wars
that were not mine to fight
and I have loved
those who were not deserving

You see I have been there
where thousands of others have resided
I have felt the tortures of rape
of beatings in the midnight hour
I came out weak
but yet stronger than some
who have never dealt with such horror

I was left with a heart
that most would have closed off from the world
from the beginning
and I have loved
in the mist I have tried to protect
those of less fortune
that lived with their own miseries

For that I have been punished
I have been persecuted
for loving in completeness
allowing all to do as they wish
allowing them to take advantage
of someone who only wished for their best
and as I sit alone
thinking of what I could have changed

I am left to see
there was only one resistance left
that could have saved my own self inflicted pain
only one thing could have stopped
the torments
the pain
the uncontrollable desire to save
those who only wished for me to drown
in my own nothingless
you see in the end
only my heart is to blame
for it has never been my friend

Lip between clenched teeth
I go my own way
the taste of blood
heals all of my inner pains

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