Mud and Muck

Have you found what you wanted?
Has the money hungry monster within you finally taken all it can?
Has it subsided your dreams,
or have you realized that greed does not build happiness?
Why do you find yourself following me around?
Do you regret what you were not man enough to follow through with?
Or do you think you are biding your time until my anger dissipates like before?

I am free from your childish antics
I will never allow my anger and hate for you to dissipate
I have counted my tears and kept the snake eyes score
I am on my own, gladdened that you are no longer in my shadows
I rejoice in the knowledge that you threw away what you still stalk
as I move in directions you were to weak to wait for.
I relish in the hate that I feel for you
for the pain of your mental abuse eases with the dark that riddles my mind!
happiness within your memory I know longer grieve to find

I do not think of you often as I had done on those long ago days,
when I do it is not of the treasured moments shared
I have realized that you were to much of a child to understand
what makes a man, a real man
for it is not what happens behind closed doors that makes it worth-wild
it is not the jewel that you think you behold
for that can come a dime a dozen
but being a real man takes more practice and love

I know you think you are gods gift to woman
but I think she was right when you called you a stupid country boy
for you have not learned the meaning of life
how sad that seems at your age
I hope that you are being looked down upon
by the only person that you wish to please
it is what had driven you to boost yourself up into that rig
I hope he sees what you really are beneath
a user of all that can provide what you want
a whore of a boy, trying to play a mans part

I was told you would not be stalking me if you did not still care
but you see I am smarter now than before
I see right through you
as you already know
it was the one thing that held us together for so long
it is driving you crazy that I could hate you so
you were so sure that I would always feel despair
knowing you are not here where I wished you to belong
how hard this must be
to know that I hate you so completely
never again will soft words of lies take me away from reality
never again will I allow you to hurt me

I laugh when I think of where you are
for I know what the end will bring
two people living apart!
like in a circus ring of fire
one stays for fear of being alone
the other stays for what can be given in tokens

I smirk because I have finally realized
that I am more of a woman than you could have ever pleased
I can work like a man right beside him
and still clean, cook and please him like a goddess
I am only single because no one has caught my eye
even when they do all that they can on the sly
for I will never settle down again
until the day I meet a real man

One who knows how to please me in every way
who uses his heart for something other than play
one who is not to much of a coward to go for it all
even if it seems like work is involved
for love is not an easy ordeal
it takes more than a closed bedroom door to prove one feels
how blessed I really am
that she has you,
well when you are not on the playground
looking for another one night stand

Now go and find something better to do
for you bore me with your childish feuds
just remember one little thing
you gave up the only woman who loved you through and through
the one who never cared what hid in your closet
the one who loved you even if you lived under a bridge,
while the other said hundred thousand a year
or you were not good enough
for the ring you wanted to spare

I hope the mud and muck was worth a life of sorrow
for I can guarantee my feelings today
will be the same tomorrow!
I hope you enjoy what you may have
for as long as it may last,
I cannot help but wonder
is your name on the paper of heaven
or has she once again left your name out of the home
for you see I remember all said
it is only you who forgot the words spoken to me in dread.

I will take this as my final goodbye
washing away your memory
with your sweet soap of lies.
I have bid away all that had held you close
for you were never worth my
time or heart!

For all that I care you can live the rest of your days
drinking away all of your pains,
the sad thing is you know I speak the truth,
you were just to weak and stupid
to do what you had to do!