Monday, December 9, 2013

Deed less

I grieved
I cried tears of hopelessness
I found myself lost
in between you and me.
I couldn't breathe
without the thought of you beside me
where you swore we belonged.
I couldn't think
without the thoughts of you
swearing your life was in such dire need
for something more than nothing,
that only you could find with me.

I am haunted
I still remember that night
where you said the only thing important in life
was right in front of you.
I felt a tear
fall from my eyes that night
never believing your words were those of lies
and I still hurt
and I still wonder
how someone could go from real
to someone craving things and possessions.

I still hear the words that were to be told to me,
I have to understand
you have grown old and want nothing more than a farm
to grow old on.
And that I will understand
one day!
But I haven't and I won't
for four years you made promises
that you were never man enough to see through.

And I fight these battles within
wondering
how could you choose things
without the heart you say without me you would lose
and will always think of.
And I am left to wonder
do you really feel like a man
knowing you choose something that can be taken easily
instead of what would have always been
in arms length.

I am left to realize
you were never who I thought you to be
for a man would fight for what he wants
no matter how long it may take.
And I am left to remember your last words to me,
we will be together
one day
when life gives us the way.

I can finally say
no it will not
because I wish for more
someone who is real,
someone who stays in my bed
without dreams of a younger version
of what is watched on the TV.
I can finally say
that you would never be true
for you still find anyway
to sleep with the true love
you so long ago lost.
I can finally be free
to do as I wish
without biding by your every word and promise.

I do not have to do as you want
that she shall never give
for I am more important than all of that.
I can walk in my own shoes
without wondering what you do behind close doors
and I know you enough to know
old habits never die,
for there is to much in your life
that you wish to do before you die.

I can sleep in his arms
feel a love like I have never felt.
I know I can give him all that he needs
that would never have satisfied you.
And I know that while you are still flirting
with the younger versions of what you missed out on
I am in his bed giving him what you had always wished upon.
And I am loved
completely
truly
soulfully
and you
well you have been bought and paid for
you now have to be the bitch
that you so dreadfully hated.

I know I am better off
just where I am.
For you will have to pay the price
of allowing greed to take who you were
the children that you gave life to
the parents you forgot about
unless times come hard
and then once again
you disappear
out the window in fear!
You forget that I see
feel and I know
you will always live under your mask
of deceit and loath.

Enjoy what you have
that one day will be left to someone else
for nothing comes free
and everything is held over the head
that has no name on the deed!
One day
when you lay all alone
and you wish for what could have been
just remember
THINGS
were never your friend!

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