Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Thoughtless thoughts

I still relive thoughts that leave me unsettled,
they are more like obligations that I do not want to fulfill.
Something that you want to leave in the past where it belongs,
but you can really never forget about it completely. 

I still have unanswered questions,
even though the answers are as plain as day 
in unspoken words that have never been voiced.
They are not something that I really care to hear,
but yet they matter in this odd forbidden darkness that I still try to fight away.

How strange the mind can be,
reliving the suffering as it rolls through the misery, willingly.
How fickle the heart can be,
when it ignores the things that your mind is smart enough to see.
A battle between the two strongest origins that you posses,
never in agreement, they both go without rest.

Yes I still have these thoughts and questions
unwillingly I allow them to haunt me in my sleep.
They hit me at the oddest of times,
when things could be no better they are lingering around the corner.
I cannot control them
even thought I hate myself in that moment.

I make myself understand things that can not be understood
life gives us these memories so that we can see where we have come from
and how far we still have to go.
There will always be obligations that we will not want to fulfill,
there will always be thoughts that we wish to be wiped out of our minds
like they have never haunted us in our weakest of times.

The strongest people have battled wars un-won,
just as the weakest have won wars that they have never fought for.
It is times like this that we have to take life in a stride.
The memories of our past is nothing more than a learning lesson
that we have already paid our dues to.

So I will think these thoughts
I will battle them away like they never happened.
I will use my strength in my weakest of moments 
and I will relive my past when it is needed.
But I will walk away as I always have!

You see there is something that I have finally realized,
I am only human in all of my negatives and positives.
I have the right to fight the demons that hide in my closet.
I have the will and strength to let them visit me from time to time.
God promised me this life that I have been given,
he never promised me that the battle of living would be an easy one. 

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