Monday, January 12, 2015

The voice of a Manic

I am confined to my own thoughts
they only throw me into a whirlwind of suffering.
Blanket myself with a cloth
maybe the chill will leave my flesh.
The unknown torment batters places deep within
finding myself in more than one place at a time.

Smiling away the tears in my heart,
eating away the hollow in my gut.
Ignoring the pain,
trying to save face,
cannot let my shaking hands be seen,
no one wants to show their weakness.

Ribbons and bows 
placed neatly on a package.
Never give up 
when that is what everyone else wants.
Take a step forward
give it your all
a new beginning 
is the start of something fresh.
I will be your voice 
if that is what you need to move on.

I will cry
I will laugh
I will do what you want
if it will help me be perfect
I will dream
I will crawl
out of this dark if it will really help
I will beg
and I will plead
I will give you everything
if you will just except half of me
I will tame my emotions
act like they are as calm as stilled water
raging inside is the beast of an ocean,
this though I can hide.

I will fight for a fortune
that will lay in your hands
for I will do anything
that helps me see your gain.
I will lay restless
searching for something more.
I will never understand
myself or my own made wars.
They are deep
they set out to battle without me
they take my mind away from time to time
they show disregard
where all is dark and lonesome.

I see you standing there
you have a smile on your face
that I cannot understand.
I hear you giggle
but I cannot understand why,
all is the same on this day 
that I wish to play hide and go seek.

My thoughts are running on a rampage,
why have my feet not moved 
in a direction that proves I have done something right?
Why do I go and go
but yet no one sees me? 
How much more can I do?
How much farther can my steps proceed to take
without a change worth the waking of me?

I have no chance
I will always look for more!
I will always see the dark
when I caress those around me.
I will fight for happiness 
that is always alluding.
Maybe it is just in my mind,
for it has never settled peacefully
for that long of a time.

I feel my tension build
the volcano is ready to erupt.
It cannot be held back
with the calming voice of love.
The smile fades
The sparkling eyes dim
The heart hides behind closed vessels 
as the voice of a manic 
is left later to repent! 

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