Just a thought

So many people have demons to fight, whether they are drugs, eating disorders, booze or anything else that haunts them. We all fight them and sometimes we lose, it takes courage from our families and friends to stand by us as we find our way but more importantly it takes ourselves. Until we fight our own battles we will lose every time to the dark. Many people want to believe that everyone is the same and should act the same. It is easy for those that came from well to do homes to scold the child who went hungry every night. They want to tell the drug addict that they have no reason to hide behind poison but yet they have never lived in the abusers shoes or mind. They can tell the bulimic that they are not fat and they are stupid enough to kill themselves every time that they stick a finger down their throat but they will never understand that the bulimic is looking for some sort of control over their lives that they feel like they have none of. They can tell the drunk to get a life and sober up but they will never understand that they in most cases are only self medicating a illness that they do not see. So many people in life want to pretend that they are superior to the weak just because they believe they are better or more in control of their lives. It does not work that way. Everyone is not the same and no one deals with their problems the same way. The bottom line is if you have never had an addiction you will never understand what lead that person to be where they are right now in life. Sadly enough it is those very same people who believe that they are better than the drunk or skinny girl walking down the street or drug addict that is the weakest of all. They have never had the struggle so they will never understand it, they have never pulled themselves from a rapist arms so they will never understand self medication. They have never had their parent give them a beer at 12 so they will never understand it. I am on this little rant because as always I made the mistake of reading WSAZ page tonight and read of three young adults murdering another. I feel grief for the lost life and what his family must be going through but I also feel grief for the families of the three young adults. I read as people were making fun of the girl in the pic and saying she was retarded looking and ugly as the girls mother was saying that her daughter does deserve to face the music for what she has done but that the girl in the pic was not the daughter that she knows. She showed a pic of the girl BEFORE drugs and she was beautiful and her eyes were not reflections of a murderer but those that had compassion in them. People were silly enough to tell the mother if she knew her daughter had turned to drugs then she should have helped her. How easy some must think life is! The mother had tried for a long time but the girls so called friends rescued her from rehab and took her out of state. How easy it is to blame the mother for not MAKING her adult daughter better. How easy it is to cast blame at everyone else and none at where it belongs. I am left to wonder how many of these very people who are laughing and having a high time cracking jokes are also on drugs. Or know of family, friends, co-workers who are battling the addiction as they lay silent cracking jokes instead of a kind word of hope, compassion, love, humanity. How many of those people could have saved a life or at least tried to save a life. When did the village stop taking care of the children? When did God come down and tell us that we could pass judgement on the weak and sick? I read the post on here just as many of you do, I see people posting of their love for God and life and then in the next step post cracking jokes or spreading false details about another human being life just because they do not like or agree with that person. I see people that profess love for all try to spread hate for one. It is not only sicking but it is sad that humanity has become something of the past. It will be nothing more to our children than a myth that they hear of when they read the stories of Christ and Martin Luther King and all of the other great men and woman that have followed in their steps searching for peace and harmony among all of man kind. Even though that girl committed an awful crime I reached out to her mother tonight. This woman has lost the baby girl that she cradled in her arms, she has lost the feeling of seeing her walk down the aisle or give her grandchildren. There are four families suffering over the death of a life taken to soon and we as humans find it funny and exciting because in reality we are bored with our own lives. How sad has this world really gotten? And how long can it last before God finally puts it out of its misery? Find compassion and humanity, how sweet that would be if it were so easy

The voice of a Manic

I am confined to my own thoughts

they only throw me into a whirlwind of suffering.

Blanket myself with a cloth

maybe the chill will leave my flesh.

The unknown torment batters places deep within

finding myself in more than one place at a time.

Smiling away the tears in my heart,

eating away the hollow in my gut.

Ignoring the pain,

trying to save face,

cannot let my shaking hands be seen,

no one wants to show their weakness.

Ribbons and bows 

placed neatly on a package.

Never give up 

when that is what everyone else wants.

Take a step forward

give it your all

a new beginning 

is the start of something fresh.

I will be your voice 

if that is what you need to move on.

I will cry

I will laugh

I will do what you want

if it will help me be perfect

I will dream

I will crawl

out of this dark if it will really help

I will beg

and I will plead

I will give you everything

if you will just except half of me

I will tame my emotions

act like they are as calm as stilled water

raging inside is the beast of an ocean,

this though I can hide.

I will fight for a fortune

that will lay in your hands

for I will do anything

that helps me see your gain.

I will lay restless

searching for something more.

I will never understand

myself or my own made wars.

They are deep

they set out to battle without me

they take my mind away from time to time

they show disregard

where all is dark and lonesome.

I see you standing there

you have a smile on your face

that I cannot understand.

I hear you giggle

but I cannot understand why,

all is the same on this day 

that I wish to play hide and go seek.

My thoughts are running on a rampage,

why have my feet not moved 

in a direction that proves I have done something right?

Why do I go and go

but yet no one sees me? 

How much more can I do?

How much farther can my steps proceed to take

without a change worth the waking of me?

I have no chance

I will always look for more!

I will always see the dark

when I caress those around me.

I will fight for happiness 

that is always alluding.

Maybe it is just in my mind,

for it has never settled peacefully

for that long of a time.

I feel my tension build

the volcano is ready to erupt.

It cannot be held back

with the calming voice of love.

The smile fades

The sparkling eyes dim

The heart hides behind closed vessels 

as the voice of a manic 

is left later to repent! 

Let me

Let me watch as you undress me with your eyes.
The passion you want is described
in the way that your breath gets stuck in your throat.
Fierce want is written in the silence of your glance,
I can almost feel my clothing fall to the ground.
Let me feel the  desirable thoughts
that play over and over in your mind.
Let me feel your hands caress me like in your dreams.
Give me the pleasure that you seek
take me as your own on the ground that lays beneath us.

Let me taste the craving
that you wish to devour that belongs to me.
Let me relish the sweet honey that lingers on your lips,
leaving you thirsty for more.
I will give you what you want
in the promise that you will give me what I need.
Let me hunger for you the way that you hunger for me.
I want nothing more than to get full on the sweet love
that you promise me with your silent inclination.

Let me hear that song
the one that you are singing to yourself
that has my name written between the lines.
Lets dance to it as we undress each other in the flesh.
Sway me in your arms,
lay me in a bed of wildflowers
with the scent of your desire heavy on my skin.
Sing me your lullaby
through the movements of our love making.
Kiss me with the passion that you were clearly dreaming of.
Let me feel the flesh of your own flesh
as we climate to the sound of our own song.

Let me be what you want,
give me what I need,
let me live in the desire
that I see written in the beauty of your eyes.  

Just my thoughts

I have had a couple of people asking me why I have not been writing lately so here is the answer to that in case others are wondering also. I do write still but what I write is either found on my blog or it is not out there to be read until my new poetry book is out. Now the reason I have not been blurting my feelings and thoughts as I once done is because people cannot except the fact that we all see the world with our own eyes and we all have the right to speak the truth as WE see it. Now I have no problem with people telling me their side of things and what THEY see at all. What I have  a problem with is the fact that they like to call out people in negative ways to TRY and make them see things their way. With that said I am going to just go ahead and tell you a couple thoughts that have been swimming around in my mind and keep in mind that these are MY thoughts, not YOURS. 

First off everyday we see the gay community arguing with the Christian community because of their lifestyle. The gay side wants to have the freedom to love who they wish to love and the Christian community wants them to mend their ways and reach to God for support in those ways. Okay here is the issue with that! As Christians we know the bible says it is a sin and that we are suppose to guild the sinners into a sinless life so they can join us in Heaven but not all Christians act like Christians! They would rather cuss, rant and rave on the sinner instead of following the bible and loving the sinner as they try to guild them into Gods arms. I see more Christians acting un-Christianity than sinners with their attitude and loathing of the sinner. I see more sinners helping others than those who profess to be high and above Christians. I am a Christian but I sin every single day that I breathe! If I could walk through those church doors as I once done without feeling so uncomfortable I would but this is not the eighties and I am not a child any longer. I see and understand more now than I once did and I see Christians with their hate spewing words sin everyday and then act like they are above everyone else on Sunday. I would love to walk through the doors of Christ and feel his love shine down on me but instead I feel the eyes of my judgmental peers drilling holes through my back. Maybe we could help more sinners "including myself" if we acted like the Christian that God wanted us to be and acted with love instead of judgement, show kindness in our hearts instead of disdain for the rest of the world. With that said, do I believe that gays are sinning? Yes I do but luckily for me the bible says I can be their friend and that I can love them just as I love those that do not sin. That does not mean I agree with their lifestyle, it just means I will pray for them and not judge them as they live their lives the way that they see fit! 

Second, has anyone really paid attention to what is going on with the police? Not really I could guess, either you are completely against all of them or you agree with all of them. Bottom line is this, there are good and bad in everyone and that includes those that are suppose to serve and protect us. We have good police and we have bad police, we have good whites and bad, we have good blacks and bad. There is not any race better than another no matter how want to see things. We hear so much about how many blacks are in prison for drugs and that is all they are good for etc etc etc. Okay lets hear about how many white men are in prison for raping their children. Why are we sitting around ranting and raving about blacks and drugs and not whites raping innocent children? I was not going to do this but I might as well, both of those cops who got off this week were guilty of a crime on a black man! FACT! It is kind of funny that more videos are out now proving that Brown had his hands up after the first shot yelling ok ok ok to the cop. Why did the cop keep shooting? Unarmed kid with hands up is not a threat any longer. Did the kid do wrong? Yes he did! Did he deserve to die like that? No he did not! There are a lot of people saying he deserved it but if it was their child they would feel differently but as Kermit the frog says "that's not here or there". We hear people saying everyday that they are tired of hearing the race card and yes so am I but in a lot of cases there is a reason people still use it. You are either blind or you are a part of the problem in the reasons we hear the race card all of the time. America needs to face the fact that racism is still alive and well in the United States, not just against our black communities but against anyone who does not believe in our beliefs and against everyone who is not of our own color. This is about all colors not just the whites! 

The bottom line for me is this! We have a cop who has "retired a millionaire for murdering a child" on the dime of other Americans instead of helping the vets who have served us. We have a killer sitting high up on his pedal-stool while our vets are looking for a way to stay out of the rain! We have the rich sitting in their circle of friends complaining over rambunctious teens in their community instead of fighting for a community center for them as we had in our childhood. A place for them to go to feel welcomed and wanted. We have empty buildings everywhere that are rotting away when they could be used for good, a place for the vets, a community center for our children a home for the homeless. I am mad because the government has convinced our children that they should not be spanked when they do wrong but yet we are the accused when our child does wrong in the future. I am mad because we are nothing more now than sheep who will believe anything that the wolf will tell us just so we can fit in the circles that we wish to be in. We should be the circle of truth, love and understanding. In the end we all, Christians and sinners alike have a lot of work to do "on ourselves" before we can help anyone else "find their way" through the mess that we all have had a hand in making in this world. 

STOP BEING A NEGATIVE FOLLOWER AND START BEING A POSITIVE LEADER!!!         

Greatness comes in all colors

Everything seems to be better through the vision of his speaking eyes,,,,

Leader of the Pack

Tell me why we walk this road

what can we do to stop the misunderstandings 

that leave us frail with a need?

What should we do?

Where should we turn?

We play into our friends words

like we are to stupid to think for ourselves.

We spew hate without knowledge 

We believe the fairy tales that we are fed.

Like a pack of dogs begging for more treats

we lie when we know what we ignore to see.

We stand still when we should start the march

against those that keep us in the dark at arms length.

Tell me what we should do!

What should we believe when even our media

paints us their little fools.

False advertising has become the norm

roaming videos of half truths is easier to believe

when we are to lazy to look for the truth.

Lets start this uproar

lets throw down our common sense

lets show the world the real issue at hand

we are just a nation that has gone to hell.

We cannot stand on our own two feet,

when we are treading behind mongrels 

who has never learned the way to lead.

Lets praise God 

as we judge those who are not the same,

no worries when we can make up for our sins

this coming Sunday.

Lets preach what we cannot do ourselves

lets play the phony when others are around. 

I am lost for words

which we all know does not happen often.

I have to ask

just this one last thing

how smart does one have to be

to investigate the truth

that everyone around us does not want us to see? 

I guess I will be that one wolf that walks alone

I would rather be confined to my own thoughts

than to take another's thoughts as my own!