Just a thought and statement!

Life has found me in and out of hell for the most of my life. I have never though through rape, beating, torments or any other kind of physical or mental abuse lost my heart. I have always and will always love with my whole heart and soul. Now with that said, there has been something strange going on for the past three or so years. It will sound stupid but here goes. For the first year and a half of it I was seeing the time 911 am and 911 pm everyday. It finally stopped being everyday to just four or five days a week and then it started again and I started figuring out when and why it was happening but really never voiced it until today. I always thought it had to do with another human being but how weird would that be? And why? The past couple days I have seen it in time and any other way there could be but what really scared me was this afternoon when I went to order a book called "A child named it". I wanted to buy this book because I keep hearing it is a lot like my autobiography that I am writing, what gave me a shock and made my skin crawl is the price, a very odd price indeed for a book, $9.11! I knew right then and told my friend something was really wrong and I told her who I thought it was about and she laughed at me, until tonight when I found out that something bad did happen and it indeed was about who I thought. This is driving me crazy! I am writing this because I know over a hundred people visit this blog a day and if anyone has ever went through this and or knows how to stop it please tell me. I cannot forever live in the memory of who has had my heart for most of my life, it is lost hope and make believe dreams and I know it! I just want to move on and with this always going on I do not know how, it does though finally prove to me that the connection I have felt for so long with this person is not in my head or false. We may not have meant to be together in a romantic way but we are indeed meant to be together soulfully. One more thing before I stop my ranting, if you ever have a chance to be with someone you love please take it no matter your fears. If I had not been a scared teenager I would have been with the love of my life a long time ago. And if you are with someone that you truly love please show it, be there when they are hurt whether physically or mentally. That is what real love is about, nothing could keep me away from the person I profess my love for NOTHING! Short from death I would be there, and even in death with the way my heart feels and loves I would still be there until my love meant me in the heavens sky! Once again if anyone has ever had this happen to them please leave a comment and tell me about it because truth be told it is boggling my mind, how could two people not meant for each other know when the other is in trouble or bothered by something? I will never know that answer and I really do not question it much anymore because life is not meant to be understood, it is just meant to be lived! A new beginning is better than an old ending, and I am living proof of that being true.. Life is treating me well now for the most part and living in all the ways I wanted to live has finally found me at peace with myself. xxx