Sometimes you have to look to the dark to see any sort of light. Where you one time saw beauty now only lays things that could matter not to you at all anymore. You see the light can only bring you harm and heartache in your life whereas the dark you see nothing meaning nothing can hurt you. It is a sad life to live in some may think but for you it is the safest place to be. There is no reflections on the walls anymore to wonder about and the stars are only a nuisance when you only want to see the dark of nothing. This is nothing that only one event causes, it is what many events cause. Many pains brought on to you by others, people that were suppose to care and protect you. You find that only you can protect yourself and the way to do that is by not caring or feeling. Cold can indeed bring you warmth because in that cold you are numb and completely safe from everyone that means harm to you. There is no one in this world that does not have bad intentions for you, none that I have ever meant for sure. Maybe I am just a pawn that God threw down from heaven to endure great pains, maybe my name was given to me to give reasoning for such great harm. For in the bible "Bathsheba" was a temptress unbeknownst to herself, she suffered great pains in order to make men feel and have what they wanted. So you see I was put here to walk maybe in her shoes, but in a different way. I do not know the answer to that but what I do know is the only time I have been safe in this world is when I have lived in the dark. Sad but true! There is not one man who had entered my life that has not hurt or tried to hurt me in one way or the other, not one man that I should have easily been able to trust that has not broken that trust with pain. So I guess life was meant for me to walk in the dark, to be cold and uncaring for everyone but my children and mother because the light has been blinding and cold. My nerve endings have been shot with pain and conflict-ions that I cannot bare any longer. I am what God created, a pawn for everyone's game of chess!