Reckless

Like a canker sore
you are always there
you have to show your presence
when everything has finally been adjourned.
Can you not stay away,
taking life for granted has always been your way.
Causing pain has been the game,
take the ailment that only you can cause
and pardon yourself out of my life and walls.

You think me stupid
you think me dumb
as if I cannot still feel when you are around.
You think forgiveness comes easily
you took for granted that life could be enjoyed
lived happily ever after.
You thought that was only your right
as if all else was to be put up on a shelf
waiting for the dust to fade away.

Time has come and time has gone
the fiddle can no longer be played
for the sound of it leaves a shiver along my spine.
It cut deep within once upon a time
but now I dance for the strength it has given.
For eyes have opened
where once they were blinded to the intended pain,
I have found complete happiness
where once my heart laid slain and oblivious.

I caressed the cheek of Satan
looking deeply within his eyes
I saw my own death in a bottle
it was disguised.
I endured my own pain
alone as I always had
and it made me stronger
as I threw away the cause
of the dancing skeletons in my closet.
Ensuring myself to never need those late night chats
ensuring that life could be lived after eternal death.

I placed myself into solitude
writing away a past that left scars
that were not seen to the naked eye.
They were cut deeper with every hand print to my body
and every lie that was told in hopes to disguise the ugly truth
that you were just like those that you professed hate and despise.
Once I was done
writing from the blood that cursed my own flesh
I came out determined to never let another hurt
what only I could protect.

I find myself not needing as much paper and pen
for I am living in the real world
where happiness is within arms reach
within the comfort of someone more deserving.
I can now smile
through the tears that I still shed
for they are wiped away by a loving hand
that never reached through the computer screen.

I placed myself in the darkness
caressing the cheek of Satan
I came out a believer
that God had made my way.
He has given me many battles to fight
all I have won in my own right.
I can now see the sun
even through the winters fog,
for it was only in my mind
that life could give nothing more than reckless doom.

Now it is time
to find yourself a new hobby
for this has become very annoying
that you still haunt
a game played and lost
in your own court.

For I am the winner
I am the survivor
I have never forgotten who I was
in search of love.
I have something real
I have what dreams are made of
I can be my own person no matter what
with no mask covering my face.
And when I die
I can say "what a life I have lived"
through all of the pain and suffering
I have finally found a piece of mind
and a happiness that only I myself could find!