Contained

Lost in the mists of my own mind,
relinquishing all rights to find peace.
Nothing turns out how it is planned,
although this to a degree I can understand.

Water falls from the sky,
to the naked eye it is merely raindrops.
Replenishing earth with the beauty
that it had lost in the winter months.
I cannot find that refreshing!
It is nothing more than a barrier!
Trapped in these four walls,
consumed in my own thoughts,
agonizing over what seems impossible and lost.

Looking for what is next,
for none of it will be good.
Locked away from all
that I loved and understood.
The misery of my mind will always follow me,
it is like a losing battle that only I can see.

A thousand wars won,
a thousand more to fight,
peace never finds me for to long of a time.
Walking beside me is a dark silhouette,
watching my every move it takes a million steps back!
I carelessly play in its web,
every time I pull myself back up,
I find myself crawling back into this pit.

It is dark as it looms its face out of my soul,
it laughs as it teasingly dares me to take back all control.
Boldly walking with fist clenched,
anger and frustration feels like lightning leaving my fingertips.  
Blood is boiling at a contained high,
mind is searching like the blind for what lays ahead
but cannot be seen until the step has been taken!

The sun is trying to peak its beauty through the clouds,
for now though it is a losing battle!