Whispering Ghost

Despite the happiness that I try to live
my mind cannot find ease.
I am lost in this darkness
listening to a whispering ghost
taunting me to follow him.
I am entranced with his eagerness
I am undaunted by the control he has over me.

I follow him step by step
as he walks me down a hall of pain.
I see the world as he does,
visions of war with no gain.
The words of hate scrambling together,
loud enough to deafen everyone who pays attention.

I search his eyes looking for meaning
to the thoughts that he shares with me in confusion.
He is merely no more than a whisper against the wind
searching for the answers
that he never understood in the flesh.

I am lost in his weakness
portraying a strength that I do not bare.
I am lost in my own conflict of thoughts
trying to understand him
when I do not even understand myself.

My feet start walking from where I came,
the visions on the walls scream their unjustified pain.
A world where there is no peace
a time of conflict that only some will endure.
A blind eye to all of the trauma
that we ignore with falsified blame.

I stand where I began
nothing has been accomplished in fear.
I can still hear the echo of the wall!
The torment that I tried to escape
has been embedded in my mind.
I hear the lesson
that the whispering ghost wanted to teach me.
I am lost in a world that does not see its fault.
Forever lost in the dark!

Broken

I am not broken,
but I am cracked along the edges.
Like a fracture that never heals,
I feel a glimmer of pain that holds me still.
I am not lost in the dark,
but my reality has dimmed to an unstable flicker.
Only my shadow on the wall reminds me
that it is still daylight outside.

I am not broken,
but I feel like I am shattered.
I am not done,
but I have come close more than I'd like to admit.
I am not down for the count,
but I feel myself falling into hopelessness.

I am not broken,
but I hold pieces of me in bloodied hands.
I am not doomed,
but I have meant the gate keeper in my dreams.
I am not blind,
but I can only see with a blur of restlessness.

I am not broken,
but I am not whole!
I am not deaf,
but I think I have missed a lesson in life.
I am not mute,
But sometimes I am left in silence.

I am not broken, not just yet.
I have a will, to achieve the un-achievable.
I may be shattered,
but the pieces lie in my hands steadily.
I have meant the gate keeper a time or two,
But he has never had the strength to keep me.

I am not broken, not just yet!
I may have missed a lesson,
but life will teach me along the way.
I may be silent,
but my words will never be mute.
I am not broken, no, not just yet!

I am not broken!
I never give up!
I have a strength, stronger than my weakness!
The broken may fall,
but they never hit bottom for long.

False Strength

I am trying to be strong

in this moment of weakness.

I am trying to hide my tears,

as my throat feels like it will

explode in defeat. 

I am tired of suppressing 

my emotions to keep peace.  

I deserve to be heard as 

everyone else around me.

I do not run and I do not hide

when words are spoken to me

that I may not like.

I am more than a shadow on

the wall, there are wishes and

dreams that I also search for.

It seems as if I give away to

much of myself,always receiving
the short end of the stick. I allow
myself to be taken for granted, I
smile away my feelings like they
do not really matter.

I can feel it,
but to speak it would cause
bitterness and pain.

Possessions

The dirt lays silent on the ground

the prints left behind leaves no

memory of laughter or tears.

A fistful in hand 

and it still does not reply.
It is just blackened soil that in

the end will still be nothing more.

Possessions held dear 

with excitement in the eyes,

it cannot give back the attention

or love that it has received. 

It knows nothing of the heart,

it is only a tool that carries away

the reality of the outside world.

A swing creaks
as it sways back and forth!
The trees are in their glory

not even they can talk.

No teasing and song can be heard,
for it is just wood that will
wither away in time left in dust.

The work and effort cannot be

thanked, it is just a thing that

takes your life away. No love

or worship will be given in praise.

Our eyes have been covered,

we reach to the stars for something

that when we leave we can never take.

No memories will touch them 

in heart and soul, no tears will

fall from their eyes when life 

has taken its last token from you.

Along the way of life people have forgotten

that those who love, will be the only ones

that matter.

Weeping Willow Wisdom

I am on this lonely road

expecting to see everything

where nothing resides but the

untouched earth that most could

only imagine in their dreams.

There is nothing here, just the 

peace of the wild in all of its glory.
They are also searching for

their own bounty of nuts and berries.

I laugh at the splendor that they
seek in this refuge we call the hills.

I am in my own world walking,

watching and listening to everything

that is going on around me. I know

that I am alone but yet I have company.

The company of my own thoughts,

sometimes disagreeing with myself.

There it sat, up on the highest of hills! 

A willow tree was beckoning me, come forth

and find all of the answers that you have searched.

I give all with nothing to gain, but a human

who shares in the same relentless pain.

It was beautiful, it had these branches that

wept in harmony with the earth. 

I remembered one just like this from

long ago days. I remembered talking to it,

as if it understood all of my fears and thoughts.

So I sat and talked to this tree, as if it was a long

lost friend of mine. 

I asked it a simple question, the one

that I have asked myself a thousand times before.

Where am I going and have I taken the

road that was meant to be traveled?

Of course I was not expecting it to answer,

but wouldn't that have been something?

I sat laughing at myself, looking out 

at the scene that this tree has had to 

bare the vision of for so long. It was

comforting to feel the breeze tangling 

the hair that I had spent an hour to tame.

I just didn't care in this moment of peace,
I was to enthused with the life that set before me.

Surprisingly, this tree answered me,
in a silent whisper helped by the breeze.

No it did not speak the words vocally,

but it spoke them silently.
In my head only for me to hear,
I was given a tale that I would not soon forget.

My child I have been through it all,

I have battled wars that you would not believe.

I have done everything from suffering the drought

to the floods that drenched my sagging leaves.

It has not been easy sitting here all alone,

but I have done it from day one,

You see. 

I was promised life, but not an easy one

I have had to work hard for where I am at.

My branches may sag as most can tell

but they sag in strength where you think

they only weep. I can take the highest of

winds and snow on a winters day, I can

take the heat that only July may bring. 

I have learned that lesson well my child,

and when you walk away never to return

you will be just another human that I have

taught as well. I have been here way before

your time, and I will still stand proudly right here

where I am, when you are long gone from 

this earths ground. 

I walked away from that tree

who suffered just as much as me.

I played it's words over in my mind

a thousand times before I realized.
It has survived more battles than I would 

have to face in a lifetime.
It has watched its branches die as
they sagged down to the ground.  

The questions that I had searched for

 so long had been answered right under

that weeping willow tree. It had

taken me back to a place that was so

cold and unbearable,
I now looked at my past differently, willingly.
It showed me that all of life had battles to fight, but only

those with the strength could find the

beauty that was just beyond the horizon.

I look back now at the beauty of the weeping willow tree,
I remember the tales that it told so freely.
I have come to understand what human life could not teach,
an understanding of our own selves can never be breached.
I wonder about that tree that taught me so much,
I wonder who now sits at its trunk. 

Ready to go again 2017 family vacation

Another beautiful vacation

18 years already gone

My oldest finally moves on to bigger and better things soon. The thirtieth she will graduate and two more months she will marry. She has grown into a beautiful young woman who has found herself through a lot of lessons in life. I hope that she can stay on track and make something of herself after her break before she starts college. Hold them tight because time goes faster than you think.