Words In-slaved

I am restless and worn,
tired but torn between
sleep and wake.My body
is a slave to my mind
as I am always looking
for those one certain
words that I am never
to find.

My fingers bleeding ink
of what I feel deep within
myself but even they go
numb with the tiresomeness
that is felt among the
words that I blurt to myself.

I look back sometimes to
the life that I have led,
all the times that my heart
has bled for reasons unknown
to even me and the ones that
were evident for all too see.

I dream backwards and not often
enough forwards,complete havoc
I now breathe in my words as
to myself I try to understand
and see the life that was always
meant to make me "me".

A tortured soul a heart not
so whole, I walk this life
given to me now with more
control.For once even maybe
just a little to bold!I wish
sometimes to just give up,throw
my sorrows out the window as
I take off my fighting gloves.

I cannot move forward as I am
always to think backwards!I
once again fill my fingers with
the ink that on paper will bleed
as my mind is left again to think
of forgotten things.

The sun is now coming up and I
am still awake,my body to my mind
nothing more but a slave looking
for just the right words to find
to take the torments away.The feelings
in my heart still to stray away,
maybe I will find them on a rainy
day far away from this place that
holds my words like a slave.I am
left now to pace!