Muddied veins

I find life to be
sadly irrelevant
to me any longer.

I search for what
can never be found,
I cry for things
that had just never
mattered from beginning
until ending.

I talk to myself
when I really want
to be heard,for I
am the only one who
hears the words that
fall from my lips.

I wake up in a
sweat that leaves
me chilled to the
bone.I am tired
of being alone in
a crowded room
of people who could
never understand
who I am or where
I have come from.

I have tried to
convince myself
that life is not
the hell that I
have been brought
into but I know
within these walls
of my mind that
this is all that
I will ever have
or even find.

I speak from a
successful life of
failures.I find my
A's but yet feel
the grade average
of an F.I look
toward my what
if's.

I wish to be left
alone but yet found
among the driven
and the profound.
A state of confusion
has taken my mind
as its own.Drying
my tears I am left
to now realize no
where feels like
home.

I put together the
pieces as best as
I can.I look for
the tokens that
we all long to
find as we walk
along the roads
of divine,we are
always searching
for our spine.

I look at my face
but it does not yet
belong to me,for I
am lost with the words
that you are now
reading.The only
thing that keeps
me alive is my
fingertips that are
always left to
bleed and hide.

I am a tortured
mind with a soul
left behind to
search her days
with the muddied
waters that now
runs threw her
split veins.