A life to forget

You wonder why I hide from everyone, you don't know the lonely road I have come from. To run is in my blood, to trust no one, is what I am made of. A five year old to be raped, never being able to escape this harderend and lonely fate. A thirteen year old finally getting to leave such a burdened life, blackened eyes, bruised and broken bones.. now time to go to her first foster home. Looking into the hills wondering where life will lead her next, to a shelter with her little brother she thought best. Taken from her the last of her family, he could just not bide the rules that was set forth to he. A group home was his next stop, hers another foster home where the abuse of words never stopped. A mother she always wished would come back for her, changing her ways living her life for the children she at one time could never get enough of. Happy memories would creep there way back into her mind, giving her more reason to never trust and back into herself she would hide.

I remember my first words to my next foster mother, fuck you bitch you won't take me. But here we go down another road to her house I was forced to go. A weekend child was all it was suppose to be, twenty years later and she still has me. A child never thought to go anywhere, even the preacher said to let her go she would never change her heart so black the devil most have her soul. Not knowing the real me, you have not walked in my shoes..I am only doing what I have to do to protect me from you. Her love finally shined through with the care of her new family, so loving her Mom was never making her feel like she was not real family. A blackened heart, an unforgiving soul making a change because she finally felt at home. To trust completely was still not in the cards, she still remembered the hurt that could cause.

Twenty years down the road back into her life the man of her dreams would be, but still not a girl to trust or believe. Long nights of crying and telling every awful thing she could remember until for the first time in her life she done what she swore could never do..she trusted completely. Her heart was finally whole, this man had took it in his hands with a death hold. She had never felt so safe in his arms she had finally found her place. A long time went by believing his lies never knowing her heart he must of really despised. How could she let herself go down this path again, had she not been worned from all the hurt in her past. To trust again had been her sin, her heart now was once again blackened.

She sits in her darkened bedroom crying for what she believed, that he was the only one she really trusted and now he sits at home laughing at her misery. He says he is sorry but she knows the truth, nothing he says can be trusted once again she was nothing more than a girl to be used. She still cries for the man she thought he was, she still cries for the man she believed was her second half. So to the devil her soul may go, because never again will she let someone take it to hold.