The nights storm

I sit in the dark thinking of my life and wonder why I feel at such a standstill.I go all day long trying to make the best of it but for some reason I am not even good enough for me,and I wonder why I sit here so lonely.Dreams leave shadows on my walls of brighter days that never became what I had thought would be a happy ending. I stare at the ceiling trying to figure myself out but am left with to many thoughts and doubt to sort my way through.I have never felt really at home although I have come very close to it, once upon a time so long ago. I find peace when I hear the water flow or a bird is singing from a tree top wanting to be noticed but yet hiding away in his nest.The beautiful scenery of fall always takes my breath away, sometimes I wish I could be that bird who never stops his whistling. To be so free must be magical,god I wish I were in that tree singing so beautifully. It is two in the morning and I have been saying goodnight for hours now, but as always I stare at the four walls that seem to crush me within this confinement that I only wish to escape.I am so tired and my body feels so weak, what I would not give to have one restful nights sleep!I guess I will blow the candle out once again, stare at the ceiling and walls that holds me in this prison.