A battle within

I don't know who
I am or what I am
here for anymore.

On my own mind I
play tug a war and
search for answers
that will never be
told,I feel cold and
weak,desperately
on my knees.

I tell myself that
things are meant
to be how they are
laid upon our feet.
I am lost,a standstill
is where I seem to
be left.I am scared
of nothing except
myself.

I dream big of
what may be in
the horizon waiting
for me to fulfill but
here I endlessly sit
still.Scared to take
the risk of failing
or taking missed
steps.

My life seems to
be full of regrets
of what I could of
missed in my own
fears of what is,was,
could of been if I
had not been so blinded
to my own dreams
of miseries.

I will wake up next
weak and fly so high
my feet will never touch
the ground.Nothing
will get me down or
scare me back into
the dark, this I say
to myself every time!

No more worries,no
more fear,I can do
anything that I want
without the first tear!
I will smile and bid
away all negatives
that try to find their
way into my mind
and heart.

This will only last
as long as my mind
stays away from the
dark but as always
my life in my own
mind is waiting to
once again be torn
apart.

I love everyone and
only wish their best,
I tell them that life
is worth the live and
how much in them
I believe.I will take
them by their hand
and try to show them
their way but in my
shell I live afraid.This
is the life of manic
depression, this is
the life that I am bid
to live in.

So until I find my
own way back out
of the dark I will
play my part.I will
find the positives
that I see in my dear
friends,I will tell them
never to give up or
bend.I will tell you
to dance in the light
where dark may only
be found.

I am broke and
may never be fixed
I walk the line in
a manics wish to
feel free of the
negatives that
only I can see.
This is not a game
that any wish to
play,this is a depression
that won't stay
away.Day by day
I search for my
own way and
tomorrow it will
all once again
just be okay!