Conspiracy reflections

I search for peace
where confliction
resides,entranced
in my own world
of insufferable
pain I seek meditation
in my thoughtless
thoughts that haunt
me constantly.

I aim my frustrations
toward my inner being,
beckoning myself to move
past what cannot be
changed and into what
can although be once
again rearranged.

I feel like I am being
tormented by my own
reflection that even
I cannot see in my
mirror of pain any
longer.I look into
my past and wish for
it to be my future.

I walk forward in
backward steps wondering
why I have seen this
road before in my
dreams of failed mishaps.
I take a pen to paper
and hold it steadily
in place but no words
seem to find their fate
or escape.

I am lost on these
tracks leading to
no where!My dignity
has become harder
everyday to be proud
of or even shared.

I am doomed to the person
that I no longer wish
to be,in the mirror my
reflection becomes my
own made conspiracy!