Suppressed infinity

Awkwardly silent inside
of my own thoughts
I scream
I search
I feel

awkwardly silent within myself
I suppress

I forfeit my air teasingly
just for a moment
just for a second
do I still exist?
do I still breathe the air given to me?

I let the air out from between my lips

I lay still keeping my soul bonded
forcefully not allowing it to leave from within
halting it to stay steadfast
it lays in waiting
to take flight
it escapes at night
while I sleep it finds me
without control
it leaves

On my knees I hold in life
the pit of my stomach tightens
I feel it ball into knots
it searches for release
it finds nothing

In the quickening of the night
my mind plays silently
searching for infinity
I find nothing