Empty nester

Lets not live in a life of unsures, we have so much to live for. We make all of these plans knowing that we do not even know where we will be tomorrow. We may not even be here on earth,who knows.I have always used this blog for my poetry,don't get me wrong I still write but not as often.I found a life that sometimes leads me down a path of writing,but in private.I found a life that is so full of the everyday hustle that the time that I had to write was put aside to love and enjoy everyone around me. Is life perfect?yea right! Is it better than it has ever been? oh yea! 

I am coming to a crossroad though that seems to have come at a pace that I was not prepared for. The road of becoming an empty nester. One more year and my last baby will be out of school. A few months and she will be 18! How is that possible? I joke around and say that her room will be my craft room, in reality it will just feel empty. When we become parents we are not prepared for them to leave, I have had two daughters leave already and become women. Nothing though prepares you for the last child to move on and become a fixture in their own home. Nothing prepares you! Now I need to learn how to live for me, live for my hunni, live in a world of not raising children. 

With this though I will be on a new journey that I may carelessly stumble on for awhile. I can say that I am going to be a first time grandma in December and then a second time grandma in February. Both of my eldest daughters have decided that they are ready to start their own journeys of parenthood at the same time. Maybe this will be enough to keep me occupied within a mind that is doubtful and unprepared for tomorrow. 

If you have read this far leave a comment on how you dealt with preparing for your empty nest. What kept you going? How did you look at your child without wanting to cry? We went school clothes shopping today and all that i could think about was the fact that this was the last year that i would take my child to get clothes for school. That was depressing and may have ruined her trip to the mall. I hope one day I can sit back and enjoy the fact that my girls are grown and was raised with hearts that finds love for everyone.

So I guess this means that this blog will have a facelift, writing down my feelings of growing and finding myself once again. Finding the woman that disappeared as a girl, to raise three girls that are now women.

Final Goodbyes

I have to wonder
what is on your mind,
you never believed I would walk away did you?
What are you doing now?
Are you solemnly laying
around regretting the things that I begged for?
You never were much for the strength
that it takes to be a man with integrity.
You had a lack of self esteem,
what more would make you stomp
the person that you just hit to the ground.

I have to wonder
what is your deepest regret?
Was it the day that you had a chance
to keep the only woman who for so long took your crap?
The day that the bargaining was laid to rest
as I walked out the door that could no longer keep me in.
I cannot help but wonder
what you are thinking right now

I have to wonder
did you ever believe that you would see a smile upon my face
that was not painted on with dollar store bought make-up.
I cannot help but feel cocky now,
a degree that you never thought that I could earn.
How silly your degrading comments seem now
that you are there living the same ol same ol
while I am enjoying the progress that you swore
I would never be smart enough to acheive.

I have to wonder
when did you realize that your late night text
would not lead you back into my home of security.
Your calls were ignored while I fished the banks
of freedom and love for the life that I lost so long ago.
I cannot help but feel smug,
I made it out while you cried your thousandth apology
and finally
for the first time ever
I heard the voice of deceit
I saw the face of lies
I made it out
while you were for the first time ever
left battered
left alone on a Saturday night
left mentally abused
by nothing more than my final goodbye!

Merry Christmas

I have been absent recently but I want everyone to know that all is great and I am working on a new project that may be unusaul for me.. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday and see you after the new year comes in....

Perfect Reality

I'm to old to play games
I am in it for the long haul
I found what satisfies my heart
even if it isn't felt within the soul.

I am leveled
even if not to the ground.
I am stronger
even if weak at any given moment.

I have struggled
I have been found
atop a hilltop
where nothing is as it seems.

Nothing is perfect
within the hell we reek upon ourselves.
The man in the sky can only try so much,
giving hints that all is not everything.

A pearl in my hand
a token of love in my ear
a heart that asks for more
that can never be

Taking timeout to imagine
to risk what is not so easily gained.
Fretting about what is,
and can never be!

The reality of where we stand,
is just a fraction of where we belong!
The man upstairs tell all truths,
the soul though he cannot control!

A step away from perfect

I remember the first time that I rode across that bridge
the whole world became so secluded,
it was just me and him.
The trees were ready to turn
into a colorful rainbow of beauty.
The excitement in his eyes
with that glitter of gold
was the first moment
that I felt a crack in my mold.

My insides were in knots
the touch of his hand sent chills
straight through to my heart.
I was not ready
to let myself go again.
To many bad memories of the way
that it felt to give my heart away.
But it was a lost cause
and after the first night in his arms so was I.

There was nothing like the beginning
sneaking off into the silence
where no one else could reach us.
A kiss to the ear lobe
with a whisper of endearment.
I almost thought it was a game
to feel so much for someone
who acted like they felt the same.

The pictures speak volumes
into two hearts who found peace
nothing left unsaid and
nothing left un-felt.
A pat to the cheek with a kiss to the lips
a gentle spank in a teasing manner
that would lead a school girl to blush.

A deal that was among two
that the world could only guess upon.
It was the little things that meant the most
for things you can never take away.
A cuddle in arms that was the strongest ever felt,
a hand out of nowhere that proved
emotionally he was still there.

The little things were forgotten over time,
the world became to busy to remember
a love that is to be left in time.
Leaving nothing in its wake but a memory.

The memories keep her awake
she watches him sleep
wishing she didn't miss him so.
She beckons her heart to stop the beat
that he so easy accomplished
while she laid unaware.

The bridge that at one time gave her such excitement
was just another day that she knew
she would be forgotten.

Promised Land

She stands tall for all to see
she shines in the night
with a torch stretched high

She gives people hope
with words that use to ring true
now she falters in a fog of lies
none of which she bestows on her own

If she were human she would silently walk away
If she were human you would find a tear gone stray

If she had a voice she would reprehend those at fault
If she had a voice she would remind us of how far we had come

She use to be more than concrete and steel
She use to be more than the copper and granite she is made from

She was once a beacon that all flocked to adore
now she has become a broken promise that so many mourn

A gateway from hell she no longer stands
nothing but a memory now in what was once
the promised land!

Weeping Willow Wisdom Rebuttal

Weeping willow tree
I know what you told me!
I cannot help but to reflect
on the story you had given so freely.

As it may be you are stronger than me!
You may have weathered many storms
and broken many limbs
however after your trials
you still have something to hold on to.

You have marked your territory
in which you stand,
that is something that can never change.
A humans life is ever changing
we move on when we have figured the pain is to much to bear.

You have a root that cannot feel,
I have a heart that feels every pang.
You can tell your story as it may be,
but you have never had to shuffle your feet.

How I wish that I could be you,
never have to worry about being in an others shoe.
I would never have to worry about tomorrow,
I would be steadfast day after day in the same place.

Now do not take for granted what you have,
as you watch the sun come up
and the moon to take its place.
I may be a human who will leave this place
as you still stand proud.
Giving me more reason to want more than I have!

I will come back and visit you again,
maybe then you will see that your presence
is all that I was in search of from the beginning.