Worth

 Self worth… thats a hard one to talk about. Why? Why is hard to talk about? What is even harder is the fact that so many people are searching for their self worth. Wait a minute, why does anyone have to search for their self worth? When did we lose it? When did we become so unworthy in our own eyes that we have decided that others can look at us the same way? 

What makes it worse? The fact that our families see our worth, those closest to us see our worth but we don’t. We allow other people who will never really make a difference in our lives treat us like we are anything but worthy. We allow people to treat us like our lives mean nothing unless it benefits them in some sort of way. 

What makes people believe that their lives are more worthy, more important? Are we suppose to bow down because someone else fell into a life that most could dream of? Does this make you special? Not at all! I think the everyday normal people need to stand up and speak up! We wont, we will sit back and take it and take it until we lose it! I feel like I need a start over, not with my family.. but with myself! I need to do the things that I swore I would do! Be my own boss, use my degree that I busted my butt for working two jobs and raising three girls alone. How did I see my worth then but now? 

I write because it has always been my outlet, I write because I am scared that if I speak up it will all come flooding out and people would be shocked if they knew what I hold in every single day. I am so tired of pity trips that come from the mouths of those that have no clue what a hard life is really about. 

Maybe I am just a bitch, maybe I am just fed up! Either way I am ready to take MY life and do with it as I please. Tonight I will go to bed and tell myself over and over that I am worthy… I hope that when I wake up and I still in this mindset. Sweet dreams world and find your worth.. you are worthy and you matter! 

Rescue

 What an evening, out to eat with my hunni and then watched the sunset. It was beautiful colors of pinks and reds, my favorite. Ten years this month with a man who is really a man. Someone who loves his family and has been a father to mine and my ex husbands girls. Sadly but thankfully he stepped up where my ex stepped down, well he had always been down.. so there’s that! Came home in time to hear my rescue squirrel screaming for milk. It seems so rewarding to nursemaid a creature back to health and watch them bloom into their own little beings. However the time has come that I will need to send him to a rescue, we both have grown attached to each other. That is such a no no when you take in wildlife but it can be hard to ignore them with all of their cuteness overload. My bad! 

So he will be taken to a rescue that has done this for years and knows how to let the wild stay wild. I would love to say that the next time I refuse to allow any attachment but I have said that time and time again. It’s a lie lol! Lies…. I cannot help myself! 

As for now I am going to enjoy him tonight and part of the day tomorrow and then have some family time before it is back to work Tuesday. I love these four day weekends because it means we go back to a three day work week. 

Help a girl, do I want to see Reba for my birthday next month or go to the beach for the fifth time this year. Hard decision! I am so ready to say that I am taking a trip to West Virginia and not the other way around. I surly will not visit this state as much as I do the ocean though. Fishing and hunting is all that this state has going for it, beauty here and there if you do not get sunk into the many potholes along the way. 

Well reflection and rant over! Have a wonderful day tomorrow and be safe! Nothing is worth walking your last day on earth over carelessness. Until next time….

Reality

 Depression is something that most people deal with in life. Some can fake it away but it is always lingering its cruel head in the distance. Some of us deal with it on an everyday basis, sometimes for no reason other than that is just how you are. You can have a great life but forget that for a moment between the laughter and tears. Some of us try to be people pleasers and that is our worst enemy! We try to please everyone and forget that we exist and our feelings should not be put aside to protect the feelings of those around us. Why is that? Well for some it is linked back to childhood traumas that we will never age away from. 

What does that mean? Age away from? Well sometimes people try to convince us that our past has no baring on our lives now. As an adult you should be able to put that aside and move on. For the most part we do, we are the superhero’s that no one sees. If they do see us, they don’t acknowledge the severity of what we have lived through. They will tell you of all of their past and how hard it was, and they are just fine. However one persons trauma is never alike and a lot of people that say they are fine is dealing with it in other ways. They are either dealing with some sort of addiction or they cannot settle down into a stable relationship. They symptoms of trauma is across the board in so many ways. OCD, downward spirals, highs that have nothing to do with drugs, a feeling of worthlessness.. the list goes on. 

Right now i myself am dealing with it, I have a knot in my stomach that tells me i am either ready to explode or implode. Neither of the two are ideal, sometimes it really is what it is. Sometimes there is no reason for it that others can see. They don’t see it because they are wearing selfie glasses, yes I completely made up selfie glasses out of thin air. Another-wards they see their side of their tale and not the other side of the story. And that is okay… for them!  

THE REALITY IS, we all process life events in our own way. Some of us can cover up our feelings better and some of us can fake it… until we can’t!

A baby girl

 The second grand baby is going to be a little girl. So I have my first grand baby coming in December that will be a bundle of joy little boy and then my other bundle of joy will be here in February and that one will be a little girl. Best of both worlds and we are all so excited. I will update names once the kids say that I can. 

I would love to hear from some of my readers… what was your first grandchild? What are things that you done for the baby showers? I am excited to hear from you all with your ideas. I hope everyone has a wonderful and blessed Sunday and until next time… 

Quote

 Find your peace in comfort in knowing you have done your all for yourself and those around you 

Gender reveal day

 Today is the day everyone! The gender reveal party is at 2:00, well wishes that everything goes smoothly in our little chaotic family function. This is literally the first time that I have been able to keep a secret, so yay me. I will of course update the results to everyone when calm hits my house and mind. The excitement is unbearable for my daughter, she wanted this get together but she wants to know already. Tisk tisk my child, get what you ask for and hold on to that overactive bladder for five more hours. Have a wonderful day world and thank you for stopping by. 

Growing pains

 Let’s admit that motherhood is hard, throw in three girls and it is chaos. Girls love all the things, the dresses, makeup, stealing moms brushes even. Never ever did I think it could get more chaotic than a gender reveal that was suppose to be small but now is going to be a full out cookout/two family get together. I think it will be great but I am worn out and ready to escape back to my happy place. We have been four times so far this year but I am ready to go and stay, luckily so is my hunni. What does that mean as a mother though? With two grand babies on the way! I feel like I will lose out on seeing them like I want to but I also feel like as parents we are allowed to finally remember that we are human and life cannot stop at children and their children. What do we know about life? Well it does not last forever, we are like seeds of a flower in a lot of ways. We are planted into our mothers and grow, once we are born we then grow more until we blossom. A flower however does not last, it weakens and starts to become frail as it ages. One day it just dies! 

As parents we need to remember that our children are those young and vibrant flowers that have a full life in front of them and we are now growing weaker in a way. Before we become frail we need to learn how to remember who we were before we became parents. 

We can do all the things, be there when our children need us. We cannot always be there when they just want us there. We gave our children life and we can only hope that they treat it as it is, fragile! It is time for them to find their path, their dreams and to accomplish great things on their own feet. Easier said than done of course but we can hope and dream. 

Should we however forget our dreams and hopes in all of the wonderful and hard times that we have shared with our children? I don’t think that we should and at the end of the day I believe that our children want to see us go forward with our lives. They may be scared to admit it because as parents we have always been there to help and fix the trials of youth that they are now following into as adults. Practice makes perfect we have always heard, that also falls in the lines of growing up. 

With all of this said, what as parents do we do? Do we try and hold on to a life that was rearing our children or do we act as if we are twenty again and hit the pavement moving into a world that we do not even know? We are no longer the people that we were before raising children! We are no longer parents of young children that need to be watched over, at least not to their knowledge! Now we are a set of lost adults with no idea what comes next. In a way we are a lot like our children, as they learn how to be thriving adults and parents, we need to learn how to cope with our empty nest.