In the silence of memories

It is in the silence
that I hear my memories
screaming their havoc
their loudest.Telling
me to find my way
back to myself,trying
to turn on the light
that I am bound to
turn right back out.

I have memories of a
once sweet love,reading
upon the screen words
that no other could
ever understand even
up close they still
cannot hear me scream.
I am fed up and I am
done,dreaming the dreams
that only are remembered
of one.

I watch the games that
others play,needless
they do not realize how
lucky they are.One day
they will lose themselves
in their own pot of
shame.Love is to be
spoken in sweet melodies
where no one can hear
the words that belong
to you and only he.

Can you read him?Can
you feel his heart
like it is in the
palm of your hand?Do
you dream of him in
a way that only a
true love can?Are
you full of greed
as you only think
of yourself or do
you really see what
real love is all
about.

I am discourage that
love will ever walk
through my door again
like the one my mind
still always searches
for. I miss the feeling
of completeness as I
have felt before,my
mind falls back into
these thoughtless
opening's of doors.

The sun has risen and
I am made to live another
day of hell without him
but in my mind it is
his love and strength
that I once felt that
strangely keeps me here
living in our once
perfect song of harmony.

I am claustrophobic
in this body I am to
live in!Tired of this
nothing! Blatantly
only I am the one to
always suffer,when
only my heart was
the one playing no
selfish games.Here
I go again trying
to turn off my mind,
why is he always there
to find?

Forever blue

I sit and deny the words
brought to my attention
about my life and love
before now,I argue in my
own defense that I have
grown and moved on away
from the past that stroked
its wounds into my heart
like a knife finding its
way and leaving its mark.

I am ready to find my
way out of the dark,I
am ready to be a part
of the life in which you
wish to give me but
yet you do not believe
the words that from
my mouth are to leave.

I ask myself what could
it be that he sees,why can
he not believe what I am
to tell him.I think of the
drawer in which your
picture lays softly among
the shirt that matches
your eyes the shade of
the sky, I still deny.

I hold him tight and
feel the security that
his being brings me
inside and out but yet
there it is the thought
that he is holding back,
but why? His arms
wrapped tightly around
me but still the tears
fall smoothly down
my cheeks,I need room
to breathe.

I am lost and will never
be found for the person
I once was has been left
astray among memories
that I try to push aside,
but still I deny!

I lay in the bed and
remember everything
through the day that
we have said,the hearts
that we shared and I feel
me wanting to be completely
there but yet I drift away
into my own hiding place.
There I am left to cry
for my younger days.

But yet I deny that what
he says is true,sadly he
is right,I am always to
see you!Forever and
always my mind is to
be tortured among the
past, tonight I am to
sleep again in the shirt
that I should of long
ago thrown in the trash!

Jaded complications

Life could be more
than the one sided
jaded insufferable
people who think
they need nothing
more put complications
where known shall
follow.

Peace comes hauntingly
my way with the
spoken word of
just maybe,drives
me crazy as I dizzily
try to put together
the pieces that make
no sense to me,Words
no longer take that
same route as once
before, dissecting
everything and for
what,where does it end
and what does it mean
to sit everlasting in one
spot for all to see the
demons that so easily
can take over me.

I ignore what my eyes
see,words of nothing
but deceit could ever
be spoken freely to me
even though I wish to
believe in what I know
could never be.In me
I see a foe that wishes
to wander away but is
always steadfast where
my legs are to tremble
knowingly.

Stubborn fates are
nothing now more
than stupidity playing
stupid games of catch
me if you can,take apart
just one more hand.
That is the way of man!

Come to me soft words
of feelings as you watch
me believe in everything
told,You think I am weak
but yet I am merely me
with heart and soul but
now just a touch of bold.
I walk where I wish and
take the roads swiftly to
hell,you lead me so you
believe; but in front will
be me!

Check those notes and
check those bills,do what
needs to be done to find
your own thrills.Just do
me this one favor,when
the sun sets the sky aflame
there will be only one left
in the blaming game of
tearful words that lead to
nothing but pain,this will
not be me you will see
I am stronger now than
any could ever believe.

My life belongs to only
me!!

Pressure points

I feel the poison running

through my veins that

long to be split open

burning my skin of

nothing until the smell

of burning flesh takes

my breath away.

My gut is tight like a 

noose that wishes for

the neck of darkness

to grasp and never let

go,strangling out any 

life that lingers in one 

place for to long. 

Nightmares are forever

playing havoc with my 

mind that wants to so

badly see nothing more

but the other side,no

more turmoil to drown

out the silence of the

nights dreaming in 

worthless memories.

Body crawls and itches 

from nerves that are

fried out into a lightly

sounding sizzle of done.

In the mirror my reflection

equals none!Nails leave

marks upon my hands,

the pain I can no longer

feel!

Walls cover the openings

of the doors that I no

longer wish to pass 

through.Life has given 

me in stone a life I cannot 

stand to live in,too late

to change what has been

written.

In my mind I scream 

until my body loses 

all control and my

head feels like it

wants to explode 

from the pressure

of the forever reasons

left untold.

Some has heart,some

does not!Some leaves

all to forever in their

minds burn and rot.

I see a token that only

I can spend,finding a

reason to go on has

never been worth the

giving!

Five year old death

Tip toes on a toilet
seat,fingers grasping
the windowpane until
they turn blistering
red with pain. Chin
resting between two
hands,if she screamed
would she be heard?Or
would they walk away
again?Why are they so
afraid to help a child
living in fear and pain?

Be real quiet...
silently as can,step down...
tip toes to the door...
little ear pressed against it now..
heartbeat noisy,can't hear anything...
hold breath in tight...
listen again...
no sounds now on the other side...

Hop back on that toilet
seat,to small to really
see out.Give a shout,no
one hears as always or
they turn their backs
from the heart-wrenching
noise of a child being
abused as a play toy.
Look at the door again,
seems so quiet now maybe
she can tiptoe back to bed.

Be real quiet...
silently as can,step down...
tip toes to the door...
little ear pressed against it now..
heartbeat noisy,can't hear anything...
hold breath in tight...
listen again...
no sounds now on the other side...

Hands holding door knob
tight,real quiet now and
try to turn the knob inch
by inch,squeak!Close real
fast and lock it up!no time
to even peak!Back to the
toilet seat!Seems like hours
have went by but only mere
minutes,the clock shows her
with every silent tick.

Be real quiet...
silently as can,step down...
tip toes to the door...
little ear pressed against it now..
heartbeat noisy,can't hear anything...
hold breath in tight...
listen again...
no sounds now on the other side...

Grab that handle really
hard now,fly the door
open and run fast to find
another place to hide.To late
there was no escape,beside
the door he hid and waited.
Thrown down on the floor,left
tattered and bruised.Skin raw
between thighs,tears silently
fall from her eyes.

Once again outsmarted
and left in pain.A five
year old died that day
on the floor of misery!
Her heart to live in
fear her childhood gone
in such short years.

She shockingly stands
and walks away,a five
year old died that day!
A woman it seemed was
to take her place to fill
the void of a mans disgrace.

Nightmares to live in
her forever,why could she
not of been just a little
taller? Maybe she could
of seen outside of that
windowpane,made someone
see the tears that hid
on her face!Maybe through
her tears they would of
been strong enough to not
walk away.

A five year old died that
day,a woman left to stand
in her bloodied footprints
of pain...

Bidden goodbyes

The burden of losing the
only thing that feels
right has consumed and
changed every thoughtless
thought within my mind.

There are facts that
cannot be argued or
understood! Life for
what you see can only
drive more questions
out to sea that will
never be caught by
the nets of time.

Life stands still
for just a moment
in my mind dreaming
and remembering past
words and many tears
cried throughout
the endless nights
shared among the two
that felt so right.

Time passes and new
love comes into the
picture but none fits
the reflection that
once was given.No one
will ever read my mind
or complete my heart
the way that my true
love could but that
is neither here or
there,life must go
on and in my lungs I
breathe new air.

I am on a mission to
search for my lost
time among the demons
of hell that I have
always easily found,
it is time to bury
them deep into the
ground my life is at
a standstill and now
even words can no
longer heal the pain
in which I have always
at other hands sustained.

So I bid this last
goodbye of my life's
past miseries and for
the first time in a
long time write my
words that will drive
me insane and driven
to my knees.

I will come back
stronger and the
word no will not
be heard by my ears
for I will be complete
soulfully and out of
my lingering fears.

Muddied veins

I find life to be
sadly irrelevant
to me any longer.

I search for what
can never be found,
I cry for things
that had just never
mattered from beginning
until ending.

I talk to myself
when I really want
to be heard,for I
am the only one who
hears the words that
fall from my lips.

I wake up in a
sweat that leaves
me chilled to the
bone.I am tired
of being alone in
a crowded room
of people who could
never understand
who I am or where
I have come from.

I have tried to
convince myself
that life is not
the hell that I
have been brought
into but I know
within these walls
of my mind that
this is all that
I will ever have
or even find.

I speak from a
successful life of
failures.I find my
A's but yet feel
the grade average
of an F.I look
toward my what
if's.

I wish to be left
alone but yet found
among the driven
and the profound.
A state of confusion
has taken my mind
as its own.Drying
my tears I am left
to now realize no
where feels like
home.

I put together the
pieces as best as
I can.I look for
the tokens that
we all long to
find as we walk
along the roads
of divine,we are
always searching
for our spine.

I look at my face
but it does not yet
belong to me,for I
am lost with the words
that you are now
reading.The only
thing that keeps
me alive is my
fingertips that are
always left to
bleed and hide.

I am a tortured
mind with a soul
left behind to
search her days
with the muddied
waters that now
runs threw her
split veins.

Never Forgotten

I can feel the pull
that can only mean
one thing,my senses
tell me something is
amiss and only I know
what this is.

I have had this feeling
one too many times,I
can feel the strength
of those perfect
eyes watching me but
yet ignoring the first
hello.

All should be known
by now that nothing
could ever make me say
the final goodbye,
always on my mind even
when in the shadows
one can always be found.

Thought it had clearly
by now been figured out
that the link of two
in such friendship could
always be felt,heart to
soul and head to toe!I
know!

I fear that the opposite
will be to timid to take
that step,even in friendship
it would be enough.I am
now tough as nails as
nothing can get me down
but my own weaknesses of
life's everyday steps.

I really long for the
friendship that only
one can give,pure honesty
and understanding.Life
is to short to let such
a power between two
disappear.

I sit and wait for
what may be my tormented
fate of the outreach
not being taken,am I to
be forsaken and ignored
forever or will life hand
me the only who knows
me for the person that
always hides beneath.

I feel what many could
not!I feel the eyes of
the one I have never yet
forgotten!The pit of my
stomach tells me all
that I need to know,I
have always felt your soul!

No goodbyes ( Bathsheba Dailey and Poet Shi )

How do I get over
you, can't stand being
away from you.

You left with no goodbye,
only a instant message
for a reply.

Didn't understand why,
until I saw you with other
guy.

My heart hit the floor !!

I couldn't believe, you
didn't love me anymore.

Only used for your gain,
left me drowning here in
pain.

Wondering, if I'll ever be
the same.

What goes around,
comes back around..

One day you'll see,
when you end up hurt
like me.

The truth can be
seen by my eyes
only and it was
your love that
scared me away
for the pain of
losing another
love I could not
chance again.

My senses were
driven by your
embraces and
sweet words of
forever affections.

I know the heartbreak
that love can bring
so easily,it was
nothing against
you it was solely
myself in my own
hidden fears of
goodbye tears.

You question my
love for you and
think I played
you're heart but
I have been there
also,left in the
dark to wipe away
the tears of a lost
love.

I am merely doing
what I have learned
to do best,hide my
heart away from
anyone I fear to
trust.

One day I hope you
see I have been
hurt already one
too many times,I
will always run
and hide.My heart
disguised!

I shudder!

Knees shaking, hands
pouring sweat like it
is merely nothing more
than rain water from
the heavens. Heart
racing leaving behind
life and security I
run for what is the
life I have grown
so use to. I shudder!

Fear driven and in
complete awe of what
chases me from my
own memories of finer
days left behind. I
am entranced in what
follows me through
the dark,I can feel
a shadow as it chases
me into the forest.
I shudder!

I am in fear and my
legs have become my
weapon against what
could be the death
of me. I run faster
looking for protection,
looking for a shelter
to hide away in and
stay dry from the
storm that shouting
its greed upon the
earth now. Lightning
is giving away my
tracks as the thunder
now booms in my ears
as if laughing at my
fear. I shudder!

I can feel the shadow
no longer and stop to
rest as hunger has taken
over my body, berries
hide in the bushes as
I take mouth fulls in
my own greed for nourishment.
The juices have run
down my face as I wipe
it with the back of
my hand and look at
what could be the color
of blood. I shudder!

My senses are telling
me to run again and
faster than what I
had before. I am racing
against time to save
myself from what hides
in the darkened forest
of fearless creatures.
They stare me down and
wait to make their
move against my being,
they want me for their
own. I shudder!

I have ran until my
legs feel like they
are going to give in
under the pressure
of my fear. What
now is un-hidden
from my eyes? I try
to disguise myself
and hide in a hole
but now my fear has
only heightened
with anticipation
of the shadow that
follows me taking
all control. I shudder!

I run just for a
minute more before
finally I fall into
the muddied ground,
my hands are now soiled
with the storms
grievance against
the world. A puddle
of water sits before
my eyes like it has
not been touched by
the dirt it lays upon.
I shudder!

Thirstily I take my
hands and gulp water
into my now dry mouth.
I have given up the
chase and stay steadfast
where my body lays,the
fight has gone from me
and I am ready for any
grief or pain that may
lay ahead of me insanely.
I shudder!

I stare down at the water
that has now become my
savior and spot of peace.
A dead tree root is in
my eyes view and it seems
so peaceful even though
no life runs through it.
I am confused but yet
enlightened that this
root has taken my attention
away from the fears I
was just feeling. I
shudder!

Still looking into the
puddle of water I can
once again feel the shadow
behind me but I sit still
to tired to run any longer.
I take my chances and
breathe what I believe
could be the last breath
that falls from in between
my lips. I look into the
puddle again with head down
and eyes just slightly
looking at the reflection
that stands behind me now.
I see myself staring down
upon me,a battle from
within is who I was fighting
the whole time.I shudder!

Forbidden fruit

Like a trigger that
exploded with a thought
from my mind I take it
farther than what I
even intended.

I cannot be defined
or walk on another's
shirttail,I am myself
and have come to terms
with who hides in the
crevasses of my own
tortured mind!

I do not expect you
or anyone else to take
me as I am for I do
not care any longer to
hide behind the falsities
of any mankind.

I seek what I wish to
find and by my own hand
I will learn the lessons
that may be forbiddingly
betrayed.I walk on my own
grounded trails of mysteries
and find with my own eyes
what only I can see or even
understand.

I have watched as others
give up and let themselves
be devastated by another's
useless mind,they throw down
their dreams until even themselves
they can no longer find.

They are buried deep within
the barriers of the blinded,
they worry they will never
be seen for what they consider
in themselves to be free and
worthy.

I have taken a step forward
and I am ready to say take
me as I am for tomorrow it
may be my dreams will come
true because I have finally
excepted the reflection
that stares back at me.

I no longer care about what
you think you may see! I am
destined to be all that only
I can be, forbidden fruit?
Well maybe!

Shameful pride

Everyone thinks they know
the whole story,never do
they reflect on what hides
beneath.

In between the lines of
another's life,they just
think they are right.they
believe they can do better,
their life has never been
one of long battles!

People live in their own
fairy tales believing we
all have walked their
tracks of life but that's
not right,for some life
has given them nothing
more but miseries and
heartaches,battles of
long ago stories that
are far from the whole
truth.

Most could not handle
what they think they
already know.They stand
tall and proud,secure
and driven into believing
they are the maiden to
everyone's grace,they
should try to walk in
another's place!

Walk in the shoes of a
life not worth living,
feel the pains of another's
grief maybe then they would
open their eyes and stop
their made up pride!Walk
the life of a battlefield
from day one!I am stronger
than most could believe but
even I need to find peace.

So I shake my head and
tip my hat to the ones
who think they are all that,
I know in my heart that
they are to weak to even
play half of my part!I see
the world for what pain
hides in the dark!I show
respect to those deserving,
I help when others have
only concern for their own.

So I will beg your pardon
as I move along to my un-perfect
garden that only I can
grow for you have taken
up enough of my time and
you will always stand with
your own shameful pride!

Eye to eye

I am taken!Not by hand,
not by name,not by anything
that another can see!

I am taken though
internally and my
heart and soul has
bled for all to see!
I sit shallow and
dream of nightmares
so long ago.I had
found my fairy tale
life that so easily
I could give my all
but out of my dreams
it left me like my
white horse down the
the road it went with
four doors.

My words I spread for
all to see with my
fingers the memory I
wish to erase stays
forever in this darkened
place that I wish to
find in light but I
know with all of my
being it cannot be done
for I have given all
that I was and could
ever be to that one
person who held all
of my dreams.

I am forever consumed
with my own realities
of complexed feelings
and awkwardness that
I cannot explain.

I feel like I am forever
spiraling in the air
that I Wish to breathe
but yet my chest is
tightened and my heart
stands still not
allowing what I need
to completely feel so
I engulf the air with
all of my might but
yet still my lungs are
closed off tight.

I wish to live in death,
dream in days,never to
forget who and what brought
me to this place.I step
back and look at the
life around me,the outside
that I so long to live
seems so far away even
though my feet quickly
can carry my weight out
of the threshold that
I wish to escape.

I am conspiring against
myself,I see him when
always I wish for Someone
else.I want to live!I
want to feel!But yet I
stand still to scared
of the words that forever
bond me where I am,the
words I was given by
another man.

I will never move completely
away because I remember
the words that were
Spoken on that fateful
day!Never forget that we
are one and one day whether
here or there we will
forever be happy together
peacefully.

We see eye to eye,you and me!

Conspiracy reflections

I search for peace
where confliction
resides,entranced
in my own world
of insufferable
pain I seek meditation
in my thoughtless
thoughts that haunt
me constantly.

I aim my frustrations
toward my inner being,
beckoning myself to move
past what cannot be
changed and into what
can although be once
again rearranged.

I feel like I am being
tormented by my own
reflection that even
I cannot see in my
mirror of pain any
longer.I look into
my past and wish for
it to be my future.

I walk forward in
backward steps wondering
why I have seen this
road before in my
dreams of failed mishaps.
I take a pen to paper
and hold it steadily
in place but no words
seem to find their fate
or escape.

I am lost on these
tracks leading to
no where!My dignity
has become harder
everyday to be proud
of or even shared.

I am doomed to the person
that I no longer wish
to be,in the mirror my
reflection becomes my
own made conspiracy!

Man of my dreams

I remember the long
ago fairy tales of
my yesterday and in
my own reflection I
have come to realize
that the men in our
dreams are nothing
more but figments
of our own imaginations.

I long to dance in
my lovers arms with
just a whisper of his
tender words ringing
in my ears as I feel
the warmth of his
breath on my neck
I am to realize this
is nothing less but
perfect.

I long to be lost in
my lovers thoughts
where no words need to
be spoken but those
of our beating hearts.
A seat by the willow
tree we will take as
our minds wander in
and mingle with our
long lost soul mate.

We can take a walk
hand in hand telling
of our days gone past
never speaking a word
of importance but yet
a thousand un-asked
questions to be answered
and lovingly felt.

The sun has fallen
and we did not even
realize that the time
had so quickly passed
us by because we were
so lost in each others
talking eyes and loving
embraces.

A perfect couple we
could never be for
there is no such
thing but hearts
that are true could
find their way back
into their lovers
grace with one soulful
move.

I do not ask for
much and materials
have never meant
anything to me.Just
a breath from your
heart and a touch
to my cheek is all
that I seek,within
it I see your beauty.

I want something real!

I want something that
most will never find
but in their hidden
mind.I want to silently
speak a million words
that only your heart
can hear.I want to
feel your hands on my
body as they are still
restlessly by your
side wishing for me
to find.

I want that kiss that
tells a thousand tales!
I want that dream that
in our sleep we both
shared!I want that smile
that I feel deep within
my belly giving me
shivers from head to
toe.

I see my prince as
he is finally walking
toward me.I wake up
and realize as always
it had just been a
dream that was never
meant for me!

A battle within

I don't know who
I am or what I am
here for anymore.

On my own mind I
play tug a war and
search for answers
that will never be
told,I feel cold and
weak,desperately
on my knees.

I tell myself that
things are meant
to be how they are
laid upon our feet.
I am lost,a standstill
is where I seem to
be left.I am scared
of nothing except
myself.

I dream big of
what may be in
the horizon waiting
for me to fulfill but
here I endlessly sit
still.Scared to take
the risk of failing
or taking missed
steps.

My life seems to
be full of regrets
of what I could of
missed in my own
fears of what is,was,
could of been if I
had not been so blinded
to my own dreams
of miseries.

I will wake up next
weak and fly so high
my feet will never touch
the ground.Nothing
will get me down or
scare me back into
the dark, this I say
to myself every time!

No more worries,no
more fear,I can do
anything that I want
without the first tear!
I will smile and bid
away all negatives
that try to find their
way into my mind
and heart.

This will only last
as long as my mind
stays away from the
dark but as always
my life in my own
mind is waiting to
once again be torn
apart.

I love everyone and
only wish their best,
I tell them that life
is worth the live and
how much in them
I believe.I will take
them by their hand
and try to show them
their way but in my
shell I live afraid.This
is the life of manic
depression, this is
the life that I am bid
to live in.

So until I find my
own way back out
of the dark I will
play my part.I will
find the positives
that I see in my dear
friends,I will tell them
never to give up or
bend.I will tell you
to dance in the light
where dark may only
be found.

I am broke and
may never be fixed
I walk the line in
a manics wish to
feel free of the
negatives that
only I can see.
This is not a game
that any wish to
play,this is a depression
that won't stay
away.Day by day
I search for my
own way and
tomorrow it will
all once again
just be okay!

My hearts voice

Lonely hearts swallow
the sound of silence
in the night hours of
I miss and need you
so's.

Wide awake days left
in the dark to see
empty.Pushed away
words of forgive me
is heard softly.

Known acts of un-common's
give us something to
blame,hearts though
sometimes cannot help
who gives them a lovers
flame of hopes and
desires.

Lost in my thoughts
of I know what to do!
Found in a heart that
I wish could be true!
Tempted by the chance
of one more time!Worried
that I will be left
again to cry!

Body to be found in
the safety of your arms,
hearts left to be set
on alarm.Chances are
made to be given,hearts
sometimes just have
to be forgiven!

I find hurt where I
wish to find mad!Give
up and never go back!
But this heart of mine
is not a giver upper,
I walk back into what
may be a hell made from
heaven.I walk back into
the devils grasp because
I have yet to be left
bending.I am however
maybe to forgiving!

My heart to only see
my wanting!My mind
screaming and fighting
the whole way!I push
my thoughts away as I
let my heart say what
it wants to say.

Chances of the heart

In bewilderment my life
seems to follow as days
from the past always have.
Holding just a shred of
the invisible attack that
is sure to come I take
a step and try to hold
steady of my heart that
seems to always come
undone.

Backward glances tell me
not all is lost like the
pain of the skinned knees
I have suffered endlessly
but they heal as the time
goes by and the feeling of
the could be's takes a hold
of me in the making of
another lie.

I feel like the grim reaper
is just a footstep away,the
heavens angels has flown
away with the strength
that I need to succumb
all of my insecurities.I
lay down my weapons of
steel and take what I
get with the thought that
maybe this time my life
will not be one to easily
forget.

With a handful of wild
flowers I walk a field
of dreams,no longer do
I remember a heart built
from deceit.I hold in my
hand the last chance that
I have to give,my heart
has always been one to
easily forgive!

Worth our dreams

It is sadly becoming
clear that we as humans
allow others to dictate
our self worth,We believe
what they say and give
up on ourselves and life
time dreams.

We cry into the pillow
of worthlessness as we
watch our live's fall
through the cracks of
another's eyes.We believe
their tales of work harder
try more then one day
you may walk through
my door of perfection.

We cry our tears of
disgrace as another
walks the tracks that
once we believed was
our place.We throw
down our dreams and
believe we are no
good,if given the
chance we could be
what we envisioned
in our dreams.

It is time for us
to realize our self
worth or we are to
linger in a world
that seems to of
never been meant for
us.We cry useless
tears instead of
waking up in the
morning and say move
over world for I am
here!

There is only one
that can hold you
back,the worries
of your mind that
you yourself allow
to be attacked.Make
it happen,make your
life be for you,the
only person in your
way is you!

Dried ink

I am drowning in my own nothingness as
I do what I have always despised. I am hiding
behind these closed doors! I hide from that
light, that one the use to pour so freely within
my heart. My soul use to beg me for more, it
cried out for the release of life and enjoyment.
Now I am scared, I am scared of what could be,
I am scared of what once was! The feeling of my
own breath suffocates me "until", until I reach
and feel that nothing and no one is holding me by
my throat. It is just the thought of life that stills
me into silence!

Life is no longer easily spared as it had been
so many years before. Life can no longer be
found without these tears of hidden fears and
insecurities. There are no wounds to be found
on my flesh, there are no scars that can be seen
by the naked eye. There are just these unspoken
words that are missed along the way of fulfillment.

Trenches of spiraling dreams run deep within
my soul,they are searching for the answers that
are always untold. I am hidden awake as I am
faking asleep, in this life that I am made to breathe.
I search for the positive that I wish to feel but I
am always left finding my own negatives that seem
so surreal! They are there! I see them! I feel them!
I am them!

A lining of ink made of thoughts and words
torment my mind, the meanings not even
I can any longer understand.I search blindly
as my eyes are closed so no one else can see
me. I am like a child in a game of hide in seek!
That is me! I look up at the sun, the stars, the
moon in search of the heavenly skies and the
words that they wish to be scribed, but yet still
the words are lost within the corners of my
own mind. They are like broth leaking from
a fork, I can smell them, I can almost taste them.
They are so close but yet so far away. I look
for my spoon to savoir my scribes, the ones
that use to be made of flavor. Even when they
were absurd I could still find my own rhyme,
my own feelings, my own dreams and hopes.
Now they are left behind like the midnight hour
at the break of dawn!

As always I drift back into my obligations,
never admitting that I understand what is
brought forward and what must be cut down.
I frown persistently as I move forwards away
from myself hesitantly. I beg to be freed, my
ink of torment and tears to once again bleed
in built up nothing-less. Fears of wonderment
unravels in these words that only some will
understand but many will fear by their own
written hand.

The only nightmares I dreamt of last night were
my own words that hid within me frightfully.
Never to see the light of day! My hands I learn
to fight and control! Torment remembers the ink
that once bled from my pen! Never to be hidden
what once was unafraid, my feelings I now hold
within as it cuts me like a blade that is made up
of dark sin. I am left to bleed within! Closing my
eyes I now deny the words that can always be
easily found. My ink I now let dry like the dew on
a spring days morning. Tears falling from my eyes,
I disguise!