you never know what could of been if you have never given it a chance to be,,,

Gun shy

I am gun shy and scared everyday
that I wake up,I just know any minute
something will blow up in my face.

I have cried a thousand un-seen tears,
whispered a million un-heard prayers.
My life has never been the kind that
you would want to live,most would of
ran and hid.

A childhood of dread and wishing life
would take me now,to adulthood of pain
and many doubts.

I am gun shy from everyone I meet,trusting
anyone has never served me well,I think of
all of this and dwell.

My mind is haunted by so many memories that
I wish I could erase with ease,but still I
sit here helplessly,blinded by my haunting
dreams.

I want to move on and forget the pain,enjoy
the one who has once again put a smile on
my face.

I am gun shy and my shield is still up,I
just want to once again learn to love and
trust.

I will take it one step at a time and hope
I am not once again left behind.I will lower
the shield one day soon I hope and forget
about the ones who left me shattered and
broke.

NEGU ( Never ever give up )

I cannot figure it out how such
a young girl has kept my mind so
entranced.Her beautiful long hair
a shade of yellow has fallen out
but the beauty of her had never
faltered.

One day her life as she had always
known it to go away,but her strong
faith had always stayed true and in
gods name she prayed.Never did she
say why me,instead she took her last
few months helping other children
in need.

A stat on Facebook of NEVER EVER
GIVING UP,a joy jar to be handed
out full of love.A smile to reach
a child in need or a word to reach
a parent who just needed serenity.

She started a foundation at twelve
years old,touched the world like
only a child could of.Even in her
darkest hour her smile touched her
lips showing us her grace and power.

Why does her memory keep touching
me,I believe it is because god knew
what he was doing when he sent such
a beautiful child that no one would
could keep. She was sent from the
Heavens above to shower among us her
graceful fight of never giving up.

She leaves behind thousands of friends
who she kept touching to her end.She is
now with her father above,her wings will
forever sparkle with energy.When you say
you will never give up, there you will
find Jessica Joy Rees as always showering
you with her fighting gloves.




NEGU stands for NEVER EVER GIVE UP,
the foundation was inspired by a
twelve year old girl fighting two
brain tumors and instead of searching
for what others could do for her she
took what time she had left to help
other children and their parents in
need.Keep NEGU alive for Jessie and
show her that her hard work was not
for nothing. Visit NEGU on Facebook,
and Youtube to learn more of a twelve
year old who has left behind a legacy
of love and never giving up behind.

Redefined

My life has been redefined by the
arms of a man that feels the same
as I.His words drip with honey as
they speak words of a better life.

I listen in anticipation to the
next thing that may fall from his
sweet lips.I have seen just a very
small part of his heart,just a glimpse
of a brand new start.

My body tingles with an energy that
screams out his name,with him I feel
no pain.My heart is being rebuilt to
an perfection and it will never feel
the same.

My mind wanders again to dreams that
were let go,never did I believe my
love would once again show,never to
be at peace I believed.

I walk in the shadow of a greater life,
one that I know I will never have to hide.
I feel my pulse quicken when I think of
him,my dreams are more now than long ago
memories.

One brick at a time is being left behind,
our story is left to unfold in the arms
of a lover touch that will never grow old.

Mockery

He looks at me with hate
in his eyes, such a power
he cannot hide the blackness
of his heart from me.

His body is the shade of
gray, his skin is cold to
the touch.His hair turns
to dust!

His blood pours out unto
the floor leaving the tracks
of poison as he walks toward
me.

I tremble with fright,in my
eyes he can see the fear
that I cannot hide as he is
purposely coming closer.

I can see the mockery that
he does not ever try to hide
from me,he knows he has me
cornered in a hole that is now
deepening.

I fall backwards into the dark
ground that he now fills with
dirt to cover my body.He walks
away waiting for my demise.

I waken to the darkness and
climb from the black hole in
which he had bureid me.I have
died unnaturally.

Now I see why his eyes held so
much mockery,he had been waiting
for me.We walk the nights together
hand in hand,I am now a part of
the darklands.

I feel no pain,my blood pours to
the ground,the smell of poison
can be found by the tracks we
leave.You can see mockery in my
eyes,my soul is the only thing that
meants its demise.

When you are no longer looking,you find what was lost! Life is not to be understood, it is just to be lived the best way that we know how to live it!!!

disguised

I sit in the shadow of myself, my
words are so easily belt, my heart
cannot always be felt.

I am compelled to hide under a cloak,
worried people will not understand all
of the words that are spoken.

I hide my feelings on one but the other
they ring out like a storm.Why do I have
to hide what I feel,I just want to be real!

I am me and that is all that I can be,I will
no longer run from what others do not
want to see.

I am tired of playing games,my heart feels
many kind of pains.I can cry of all my
heartbreaks or let them out in my words
of hardened strength.

I will no longer hide under my disguise!
I am me no matter what part you may
see at the time,I am Sinfully Alive!

Never forget who the person is that looks back at you from the mirror!

My mind sneaks in words that seem dark and cold, my heart though will never give up and fold. I can see the light just as I can see the dark! I never said I had no heart, I only said at times it is hard as a rock!! Cold as ice, an useless device that will only be broken if you don't shield it right!! I am Hearts and Souls when my love want's to be seen or my words want to say the hurt he put me through heartlessly. I am the black poet when I am in denial of the heart that I just wish once again could smile...

A note to my poetry family, I have many different kinds of writings and they all come from my heart whether dark, loving or an hurting heart. I love to write about anything and everything and I feel very blessed that I have so many people coming back for more of my words. This month my first poetry book will be out called (Hearts and Souls poetry) and within the next few months (The story behind Hearts and Souls poetry) will also be released followed by another poetry book called (The other side of my heart) then to be followed by (The dark side of the heart). I hope everyone enjoys and purchases my books. I have many many poems in these books that are not here on my blog to be read. Remember my motto is ~ A NEW BEGINNING IS BETTER THAN AN OLD ENDING~ Life gives us stories to be told and mine are through the poetry that I write! Much love to everyone and make the new year be all that you have ever wished for your life, we only have one life to live so get to living it!!!

Burning pain

I know how I must seem,
cold and dark, my soul to
burn for all of eternity.

I spit my words of fire,I
show no loving desire to
be anything but a dark
seed just waiting to expire
sinfully.

I play my games! I tell you
that I feel no pain,walking
in a fire my mind completely
insane.

This is just one part of me,
some of you have already
seen that I hide behind the
words of what I am feeling.

My veins are not see through
they bleed blood just like you.
I have a heart that beats one,
two,three!even if it cannot be
felt or seen!

I leave you with just one thought
to play on your mind,I could be
the other side of you,that you try
to hide!

I may be just a little crazy or even
a bit insane,but these are only the
words that you hear when I am
in the most pain..

Forgiven

He will never see what is right
in front of his eyes but that is
fine,he can keep denying because
I can finally see and I am fine
without him or his deceiving.

I have found what I was not at
all looking for,my heart now an
open door.His memory still plays
on my mind once in a great while
but I can finally feel free and
smile happily.

There are times like right now
that I wonder if I was really
ever there or was my heart an
replacement,like a spare.Seems
so unfair!

I listen again to songs that
touch my heart,a certain one
means so much more.Unanswered
prayers repeats it's tune in
my mind,maybe now I will see
he was never meant for me.

I will love him until the day
that I die,but as a memory that
I loved even if his words were
nothing more than lies.

I can go now in a brisk step
away from him and may even cry
a tear or two,but my heart can
no longer feel alone,my mind now
no longer will go back to him
and roam.

I will always be grateful to him,
he showed me a life I had so long
ago forgotten,to love with all of
me,and that will forever be in my
mind his graceful memory.

A shadow is watching from the wall,tick toc a grandfather clock yells. You give a searching look with fear in your heart trying to figure out the image through the dark. You hear a whisper that is so low you think you have imagined it for just a second before it is heard just a little bit louder the second time. Your skin crawls as you start to feel tears falling from your eyes, praying you could figure out the voice that is being disguised. You slowly stand up and get the courage to walk toward the shadow that has been playing with your mind, it has disappeared out of your sight and within just moments you finally realize, it was your guardian angel just stopping by to tell you hi. You lay back down and slowly drift to sleep, for the first time ever you begin to believe there is more to the eyes than what you will ever see! A calmness takes a hold of you as you finally fall in a peaceful slumber, in the morning your mind is left to wonder....

A brighter light than day

Forbidden treasuries hidden in the
stars,the moon is so bright it is
hard to tell them apart.

A glistening light sparkles it's
power for me to see.Such a small
light to be so full of life and
inspiring dreams to be.

I hold my camera in my hand just
waiting for the right time to take
a snap shot of the sky so full of
demands,an beautiful sight to my
eyes.

I lean back on a tree and just
watch the shapes that take place,
before my eyes they seem to always
be changing with such grace.

A tear trickles down my face as
I imagine what really occurs among
the stars and moon,such a beauty to
behold,a thousand stories have been
told under the nights sky that seems
so entrancingly bold.

I never took the picture that I sought
out to take,but in my mind the beauty
of that night will forever be engraved!
The star and the moon are to be the only
one's to know what I prayed.

Swine

So you are a man, what does that mean?
Do you believe I need you to breathe.

I am my own person as independent as
that may be, I am only out to please me.

I have given to much to men like you,I
search for someone who feels the way I
do.

You tell me I will never be anything,without
a man to guide me,please look in the mirror
just one time,you my dear are nothing more
than a swine!!!

I determine what my life shall hold,you no longer
get to have all of the control! I can be who I am
today and maybe tomorrow I will play a nicer game,
either way you will not be here making me relive my
pain!!

The nights storm

I sit in the dark thinking of my life and wonder why I feel at such a standstill.I go all day long trying to make the best of it but for some reason I am not even good enough for me,and I wonder why I sit here so lonely.Dreams leave shadows on my walls of brighter days that never became what I had thought would be a happy ending. I stare at the ceiling trying to figure myself out but am left with to many thoughts and doubt to sort my way through.I have never felt really at home although I have come very close to it, once upon a time so long ago. I find peace when I hear the water flow or a bird is singing from a tree top wanting to be noticed but yet hiding away in his nest.The beautiful scenery of fall always takes my breath away, sometimes I wish I could be that bird who never stops his whistling. To be so free must be magical,god I wish I were in that tree singing so beautifully. It is two in the morning and I have been saying goodnight for hours now, but as always I stare at the four walls that seem to crush me within this confinement that I only wish to escape.I am so tired and my body feels so weak, what I would not give to have one restful nights sleep!I guess I will blow the candle out once again, stare at the ceiling and walls that holds me in this prison.

Black as coal

I listen to all of these love
song's and laugh now at their
meaning,fake and deceiving.

Life gives us many heartbreaks
so I have closed that door for
my own sake.

I can be dark with no heart,
understanding that love is a
make believe thing that will
only bring you down to your
knees,this I do not please.

I can listen to the dark side
of the world,the music of turmoil.
I hear and feel the strength
of the words,not the weakness
a country song grieves.

I will spew my words of hate
and hide the heart that has
felt so many heartbreaks,what
a disgrace to be so weak!I am
cold as ice,my heart is black
as coal!Love has grown old!

Coming undone

I have come undone,I will
treat you like you were to
me nothing,a bad memory.

Feel my chest that once
beat rapidly at your touch,
nothing now but a small
listless flutter.

I get irate everytime I
have to hear your name,
the sound of it is poison to
my ears.

My hands are tied behind
my back,I want to attack
you with all that I have.
Break bad,how sad!

My hate for you is something
I need to contemplate, your
voice and face in my mind I
want to dissipate,forever hate.

I don't want to hear your words
anymore, they fall on deafened
ears and mean nothing to me now
but another crushing storm.

Our communication was broken
as so many times before,now to
me your token has been brushed
onto the now littered floor.

Take your memories and walk
away from me, stay and your
heart will be made to bleed.

I have found the devils seed,I can
finally breath,not so easy now to
deceive me.

Look at me from a glance, if you
look real close you will see my heart
now lays in the devils hands,he has
now taken your memory away from
me.

So walk away while you have a chance,
you will find nothing here but a girl lost
in her own trance! Dancing a sinful dance!

Shattered pieces

She is spent as her knees are held
to her chest, arms protecting her
body as her chin finds a resting place.

Her eyes are darkened with tear trails
staining her face,she feels the wetness
of her tears as they make their way down
her chest,they find their resting place.

Her heart has been shattered into a
million pieces, her mind has been once
again taken for the devils greed.

Her soul is lost in the darkness in which
she hides, her memories were built on
a handful of lies, she has learned to hate
and despise.

She rocks back and forth as the tears
start to dry, she sees the moon in a
different light.She feels nothing now
but despite! It seems to somehow make
everything feel alright.

She no longer searches for the light of
his eyes, she is left in this place that
keeps her safe,her heart turned black
now,her heart never again to break!!

The snow covers the ground making you see the beauty your eyes want to hide from,the sky turns a shade of black letting me see that the darkness is back,ready to attack! I walk down this lonesome path enjoying the beauty of blackness,it shuts my mind off from everything that I want to deny